make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don’t like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
From asking I found out guy is male, guys is seen as neutral by most
I would’ve expected a lot more decent people in a community this supposedly trans friendly :c how fucking hard is it to just not call your friends things they’ve asked you not to call them?
this post really singled out the assholes and love it
100% agree with this, shouldn’t even need to be said!
However, I would posit that we need an inclusive equivalent for everyone, as the ethos of “dude/dudette” is, in my opinion, well worth keeping - some people simply are THAT cool!
I’m nowhere near smart enough to come up with new words (barely smart enough to use the ones we have…), but I’d totally want to have that sentiment preserved.
I can’t hear “dudette” without thinking of that cringe gamer cleaning video. The word is genuinely ruined for me.
I am unaware of that video, blissfully so according to your observation!:))
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Multiple sources, including Merriam-Webster, Cambridge and Oxford state that “dude” is a masculine noun, synonymous with man, guy, etc., so I disagree with this. As an exclamation, sure, as it’s not referring to anyone in particular, so it can be taken as an impersonal interjection.
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Well, judging by the myriad dictionaries out there, this word has been gendered well before this subject’s been broached.
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Weird hill to die on, this, where you’d rather defend words than people.
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Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/FqMODweN8lQ
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
woah! that’s interesting, but I sure dont care!
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sis and girly are good
Oh, I just use “sibling” or “sib” for that level of familiarity, easier that way:))
As nongendered speech?
I don’t know any non gendered onnes other than comrade, maybe pirate or captain 😂
You don’t want to be called dude but you assume people you don’t know will be fine being greeted with comrade?!
Boss and cheif are ones I like
Dude.
That is the gender neutral term.
Technically I think it actually means an elephants ass hair so it is also both a greeting and an insult and no one will ever know which you mean.
How you feel about “mate”, mate?
Checkmate. Or Czechmate for the Europeans.
“Mate”'s nice, mate, but… I dunno, feels like it doesn’t fully capture that… pizzazz that “dude” and “dudette” have.
not op, but I like “mate”, mate!
Mate is literally a cultural equivalent to “dude”
a mate or to mate?
Mate you!
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It’s fair if you want to not be called dude, it’s also fair that a lot people will fuck it up the first time
that’s okay, people mess up names too, its the thought that counts
The only person to gain an exemption to this would be hulk hogan, for he calls everyone brother, and that’s OK.
Maybe I’m part of the problem, but in my day-to-day life, I even hear women calling each other “dude” all the time, and it seems like it’s become a non-gendered term.
Even the Wikipedia article says this:
By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture.
By the late 20th to early 21st century, dude had gained the ability to be used in the form of expression, whether that be disappointment, excitement, or loving and it also widened to be able to refer to any general person no matter race, sex, or culture. This is all thanks to one Kel Mitchell and his song, “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, ‘cause we’re all dudes.”
Ftfy
I go with “homes” because it could just as easily be short for homeboy or homegirl
Or Sherlock.
I call everyone Choom.
I would say love to say cyberpunk lingo irl but it feels to weird, we should adopt it as a society.
But you can, there’s literally no one judging the individual words you choose to use in non (purposefully) offensive ways… Oh wait
Language is fluid, it changes over time. Trying to lock down something so strictly that it offends you if it’s used in a way you’re not familiar or comfortable with seems to me like exactly what you’re trying to to fight. Sexuality is fluid and can change over time, you wouldn’t be upset if someone wanted to change their pronouns, so let’s let the entirety of humanity decide to change the definition of a word.
Honestly, you do you booboo. Pick the fights you want to fight, but I get the feeling a lot of people disagree with you. I hope some day you live in the world you envision your happiness, because you deserve it. I just hope your version of happiness isn’t forcing everyone into your box
its called basic respect. if I tell you i don’t like to be called something, then don’t use it to refer to me, it’s as simple as that.
In fact, most people are completely fine with this, and I treat them with respect too.
Yeh for sure. If you tell me, I’ll 100% agree and do my very best. As simple as that. Hope you have a nice day :)
I would absolutely hate this to be honest. Using language from media in everyday life just sounds forced to me. X.x
Fragile ego. Become truly indifferent to pronouns to destroy all gender roles and eliminate the ability for anyone to be transphobic by normalizing any self expression for any person.
Dude will evolve to become a personality archetype moreso than a gender-associated noun.
I think… I get it. You’re saying that transcendental dudeism can only be achieved when the dude abides. But the intolerant dude cannot abide in any dudes heart, lest they stray from dudes path. Thus the true dude must respect absence of dudeness in some as much as it’s bounty in others with the quiet heart of a stoic.
Only then will you realize that it is not the dude that abides, but yourself.
What would be some good terms to use instead?
Off the top of my head - comrade, friend, stranger… If you’re more familiar and are comfortable to use them (not an old fogey like me) fam, cuz. E: also sib, as in “sibling”.
I’m sure there are others too…deleted by creator
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I mean “comrade” is making some pretty big political assumptions so I don’t think it’s a very good choice for greeting someone you don’t know
“person” is the only safe one afaik. Just go from specific to general and you’re good. You also get to sound like a robot.
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Good job getting some nasty assholes to out themselves and get blocked…
Here’s a news flash: if you pride yourself on refusing to show basic respect to other people - you’re not brave or rebellious or special, you’re just a piece of shit (and specifically in this case upholding the status quo and actively participating in its systems of oppression) it’s as simple as that. ¯\(ツ)/¯
thanks, and your totally right 😊
maybe we should even defederate from some of these instances, because its not the first time im seeing these kind of comments from the same ones.
its funny too, because I’ll have some nasty comments in my inbox but then see they got deleted, probably because of the lack of attention 🤣
Yeah, normally I’d say it’s a bit extreme but honestly some of the instances basically don’t care or only moderate for PR, and those instances absolutely should be defederated because they will be inevitably problematic for us and our communities.
Lemmy.world is a great example of this, they allow many transphobic and homophobic users to keep posting there, and if called out give said users a temp ban and remove comments, lots of times they won’t even remove the comments (like one user claiming that LGBTQ books are indecent and should be banned, said comments are still up). They’re basically like the Reddit or Facebook of the Fediverse, anything goes until it hurts PR, they claim all kinds of rules but only enforce those when they get heat.
sh.itjust.works is another one but supposedly they are trying to be better and they did actually listen to my initial community removal request I sent them instead of reverting it out of pettiness like lemmy.world’s administration did, so in some regards I feel like defederation is too extreme, but in others like with lw not so much.
I’m shit at noticing what instances people are from, but if there is one specific one targeting posts here it might be worth letting the mods know? I also wonder if the deleted comments were deleted by the mod team? Though it wouldn’t surprise me if your guess about them deleting for lack of attention is the correct one lol
Either way, I try my best to avoid getting dragged in to “debate” with these people, because there is no good faith and it almost never leads anywhere, but what I will do is call their shit out then block, let them yell in to the void lol
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im using eternity and everything is like [email protected], so its very easy
I just want to say I really find your takes helpful and thoughtful, and I agree.
Hey, thanks, I appreciate that! Whenever I see you around we generally agree, so right back at ya 😊
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This is the same argument as people who think that “mailman” and “fireman” aren’t gendered terms, and it’s wrong for the same reason. A word doesn’t become gender-neutral just because you say it is.
If you ask people to picture a “dude”, what are they going to think of? A non-binary person? A woman? Or a man?
You used two words that specifically contain a gendered noun as your comparison to a word that is non-gendered.
My dude maybe just maybe take a step back and question why you keep trying to gender this word.
If someone were to take offense to me calling them dude I would absolutely make every effort to stop the behavior. I would never want anyone to feel invalidated over something like that.
That being said I feel like this whole outrage is manufactured to rile people up. I highly doubt many people are getting worked up over it. Dude has very much become a gender neutral term and is even now just used as an exclamation. I’d be willing to bet a large portion, if not the large majority, of the trans community doesn’t give a fuck about the term and they probably use it themselves.
your probably right in it likely being a small minority, but it does give me the ick, for example
Yeah, I mean, if someone politely asked another person to stop calling them some phrase or another and they refused they’re definitely an asshole. No doubt about it.
In the same token though if someone gets rude and indignant over someone calling them dude one time that person is also an asshole.
We should be treating people with respect. Period.
You’re right. I do think it’s important though to be open to admitting that many of the terms we use are reflective of a hetero/cisnormative patriarchy. I live in a region where it’s very common to call someone “guy,” regardless of gender. It may be used in a non-gendered way by most people here, but I’m trying to drop it from my vocabulary since it has gendered roots, and there are better terms I can use that are more inclusive. I feel the same way about “dude.”
I think everyone needs to be open to at least having a discussion, but I’ve seen people double down when asked to use a different term. That’s not what you’re doing obviously, but I’ve seen it.
I think this also applies to people trying to reclaim slurs. I’ve had other LGBT+ people call me the f-slur repeatedly when I simply tell them I don’t identify with that term.
We all need to be more thoughtful, I think. Myself included
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And if someone you respect asked you not to call them that? Would you disregard the wishes of your friends or family because that’s just the way you talk to everyone?
I just would not be able to be close with that person. If I need to concoct an entirely different personality for someone then they will obviously never really know me.
I agree, it’s nice to ask somebody about their boundaries, and it can really make them feel more comfortable.
However, I do consider it the other person’s responsibility to establish the boundaries and uphold them; if I call them something they dislike, I’d hope they’d feel comfortable enough to tell me (in a kind way). That’s the kind of friendship I’d want anyways. And if I purposefully ignore that request or argue it, I think it’s very fair for that person to be more stern in communicating their boundary. In this case, “I don’t care that you use it as gender-neutral, I don’t want to be called ‘dude’.”
Good friends/people would respect your wishes, though. It’s your identity, at the end of the day.
