Today I feel like a 5 star man. Last night I lost my kiss virginity and also my sleep-and-cuddle-with-a-beautiful-girl virginity.

For context I’m 28 and have Aspergers. I honestly thought as recently as a couple of months ago that these things were never going to happen for me.

4 stars. Paperwork from my new employer just came through. Just waiting for my old employer to pay out this years bonus, and I’ll be resigning for a 30% pay increase.

One star deducted because I’m old and crusty, and being expected to figure how to use emoticons/emojies annoys me more than it should.

⭐ Third time an the toilet this morning, bad ass day

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Coffee was good but damn my kids are loud.

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One of those “What am I doing with my life” mornings

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I’ve been feeling off for the past couple months. Two nights ago I decided to do shrooms, I had been putting it off for over two years because I knew deep down I would have a difficult experience and I was right. I took 2 grams as tea with lemon juice, plus 1g eaten. I spent 3 hours which felt like days just screaming and crying. I felt emotional pain like I’ve never felt in my life before, it was absolute never ending insanity. I cried so much my eyes were almost swollen shut.

My mother has been sick for a long time now and it has been very difficult to deal with and I’d mostly been avoiding it. The mushrooms reaaaally shoved it in my face, they were absolutely brutal about it and made me feel the pain of the loss of my mother for the first 30 minutes. Then they decided to show me that people have lived through the pain of loss since the beginning of time by making me feel that pain through the eyes of thousands of people through thousands of generations lol. It was like I was going through a fractal of the lives of people down generations and generations but only the painful parts of their lives and I felt their emotions so vividly. That lasted for like two and a half hours, with small 5 minute breaks here and there where the trip would go down a bit and I could breathe until it would just pull me back in to this infinite spiral of emotional torture.

During the entire trip, every time I would get a small break I would just be crying, wishing for it to be over. I wanted to get off. 30 minutes after it ended and I went to bed I was already asking myself when the next time was gonna be hahah.

Yesterday I was just in shock all day, eyes still swollen as hell and with the worst headache of my life.

Today I am much better physically but mentally I am still in shock.

Sorry for the wall of insanity.

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Just fuck my shit up.

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I woke up, some people didn’t.

I decided it would be a great day before it got started.

In ~5 weeks I’m going to be a grandpa!

Today has been a good day, I have accepted a new job after being laid off back in January with a nice pay bump, my car is also back from the workshop and the electrical issue should be solved after the firmware of the electrical system was updated.

3/5. Work is a bit of a drag these last couple weeks, and I messed up a bit in my hobbies and made myself a bunch more work to correct that.

⭐⭐⭐ have a cold, feeling hot and cold simultaneously, the decongestant aren’t working and coughing doesn’t provide relief 😩

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Life’s pretty good. Deducted one star for being tired today and some added stress at work. Those are pretty temporary things though.

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Is this a scale where five stars is optimal, or where you’re being chased by police helicopters?

Sitting at ⭐⭐🌟 right now. A little more than 3.

Life is pretty good. Comfy job, good pay. But stressful kids and family sitch, with daycare and kind of slow progress at work, and I’m tired all the time because I don’t have time for everything I want to do, like play music and play games and exercise and hang with the family and such. Home is a mess all the time due to the kids as well. And ngl, fiancee is pretty messy too, and I want a clean and tidy home in order to feel comfortable and at peace. But she’s stressed too so I can’t blame her either.