I’m pushing half a century in an industry that is not kind to old guys. I try to fend it off but every now and then it hits me. I’m pretty sure this is not unique to my life experience, or it wouldn’t have a term :-)
Existential?
More like Exponential Dread.
Ayooo!
sobbing
At 50+, I get it almost daily. I never had it before. Not sure if its the state of the world we live in now, aging, or a combination of both. All I know is I’m glad I’m old and won’t be around to see some of the stuff I’m scared of.
I’ve experienced it since 4th or 5th grade. I began embracing it in my teens with the help of nihilism. Now, I usually have the thought of “nothing matters, and we’re all going to die” around 2x a day. It’s really more of a mantra at this point though.
I accept it as a part of living.
Not worried about being dead, really. I didn’t exist for millennia, I got my time in the sun, I won’t exist for the rest of time. It hasn’t bothered me.
Dying on the other hand sounds like a painful, grief-ridden, stress filled misery. I really don’t want to have anything to do with a drawn-out death. That’s what bothers me.
As I have gotten older, the frequency of episodes have decreased. In my early 40’s now. I would say it occurs at least once every 3-4 months as opposed to weekly in my teens.
It depends on where it comes from. There is a defeatism that comes from my cynicism, but there is also the existential dread lying awake at night that I deal with as well.
I’m curious about what specifically it is stemming from? In your post you mention feeling aged out in an industry you have become extremely accustomed to. Do you feel like your value is very much driven by what you do? If you were to be aged out and eventually replaced do you feel like a large part of yourself would be missing?
In regards to how often I experience dread, it can be an every day thing. But it depends on what it comes from. There is the dread from feeling powerless to change my environment or culture I am in, but I have found personally that living to bring joy in the small things helps with that. If the dread is from questioning my purpose if there even is one, it’s the same line of thinking for me as before.
I have no clue if that provides any value but I hope you find peace amidst what you’re going through.
+1 Wisdom
Used to get it every time I read an article on the current state of climate change. The dread has kinda just shifted to acceptance. Short of some miracle-tier scientific breakthrough or like literal divine/extraterrestrial intervention, we’re just hard fucked and there isn’t jack we can do about it.
Kinda adopted the personality of this dude:
This man has the answers to Patrick’s exit-pencils crisis.
I’ve been watching Station Eleven, The OA, and The Leftovers. The idea we’re all just jumping around different timelines/dimensions, repeating the same stories over and over is kind of fun. But then I remember I’ve never seen any evidence that’s even remotely true :/
Wait, you guys stop having it?
I’m glad I’m not alone. Thank you.
Always. I stopped caring. The world will burn, whatever. Who cares.
Same.
Its taking a long while to not still have moments of dread though.
World’s fucked and burning. Somehow that’s partisan.
Almost 15% of the population of my country thinks climate change is fake news.
Massive corruption in the highest levels of government, which no one can apparently do anything about.
Massive wealth inequality, American dream is dead.
No one can afford a house because of the wealth inequality and companies like blackrock buying them all…
Also, we are going over the tipping point for mass extinction.
Yeah we are totally fucked in every direction. Time to do some drugs about it I guess.
“Who cares” is main reason why I have existential dread. Other reasons are that I’m just shit at living life.
Hey, it could be worse, you could be a kid whose whole world is in the midst of melting down before they’ve even had a chance to realize what life could’ve been like if not for the shitty decisions of the preceeding generations.
I may be relatively young compared to other guys on this thread, but I’m also a victim of something like this. Recently I’m fighting with the company I’ve worked for over so tiny shit that it astonishes me, and terrifies because of consequences of incorrect actions from my side. I’ve understood years ago that I’m no one and will achieve nothing, so it hits less. This dread also comes in waves, as I was good for whole 3 months, and now to the same old shit. Sigh.
Yes
Last week
