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My hamster is a fucking primadonna hipster who works out 8 hours a day.
“Pellets…? Really…? Don’t you know they’re full of carbs…OH!! Fruit snacks!! I need energy!!”
“Carrots and dill treat? No thanks. I only eat the cranberry ones.” *Drags treat over to his pooping corner and leaves it there.
Me: “Did you just flush that treat down the toilet…?”
At 1:30 AM “I’m going to the gym!” *Pushes hamster wheel up against the side of his cage for maximum banging and clattering noises, then proceeds to go on a brisk run for 2 hours.
When I’m feeding him. “You may pick me up and pet me human, I consent. I like warm hands.”
When I need to clean his cage. “Bad touch, bad touch! I do not consent! I will bite you!”
My cat is deaf, so there have been a number of “Oh! It’s you!” startled “mrrrrAAAAAs” directed at me when I come around a corner.
She’s quite talkative, with lots of greeting (and aforementioned startled) trills and meows that can range from normal level to “causes ear bleeds at close range” level.
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This morning, my rooster was chasing one of my hens around yelling at her because she caught a frog and just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had to rehome my birds a couple months ago, and I miss them dearly. My absolute favorite part of the day was dumping the bowl of that day’s kitchen scraps off the back porch. They had become so accustomed to it that if they heard the back door open, the damn things would come running like it was some weird chickeny religious call to prayer.
You dump the bowl and then watch them go to town. When everything’s nearly gone, one chicken will get up to nerve to grab the best goody that’s left and tear off. And now they all abandoned the rest of it to chase her and play Bell Peppers Seed Pod Tag.
I miss my birdies. :(
My birds love my daughter, she will usually go down there with some leftover snack for them, and now two of them will sit down in front of her to be cuddled.
My dog has two modes: Sleepy on the couch and “THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE EVER TOUCHED A LEASH OH MY GOD I’M GOING FOR A WALK I NEED TO TELL THE WORLD” …she gets walks daily, she is just super hyped up about them, and nothing else.
Cat starring out window: " LOOK HOOMAN THERES BIRDS!"
Cat runs to back door: “lemme out, lemme out, lemme out”
lets cat outside, car vrooms past 20 seconds later
Scaredy cat gets spooked by car: “Lemme in, lemme in, lemme in”
cat proceeds to explain what i assume is a tall tale of heroics, birds, and loud mechanical beasts he defended the hoomans from
Repeat above a few times a day.
We have two dogs and two cats. All of them talk, but our husky mix is in a class by himself. He carries on detailed conversations all the time. If he could form consonants as well as vowels he would just speak English. And occasionally he sings the blues, quite beautifully.
Denali: “Both cats are on the bed, although Sue is hiding in the headboard. There are three rabbits out back near the windows. Three people are walking dogs somewhere on our streets. And the postman is running late today.” Me: “Okay, thanks for the status report.” Denali: “That was just the summary. Let me give you the details…”
My one cat very agressively tells me each day when I get home that I must pick him and give him scritches right now.
My other cat speaks in secrets with the demons that reside in the dark corners of my home at night.
Twice in my life I’ve had a cat that runs to greet me at the door and tell me about her workday. It’s absolutely delightful
My dog lets me know when there are kids/people/squirrels in the playground that is visible from my window.
My dog informs me it can see a fox! And that fox might move! It might take our toys and treats! Fox!
My cat didn’t use to, but now she’s very talkative when she’s happy. I guess I reinforced it 🤷♂️… Because now she’ll chirp, purr, and meow when curling up on me, when I come home from being gone a few days, and when I give her treats… She’s the best.
They definitely learn what works.
Our old girl was pretty quiet in her younger years. Then she started hanging out in the kitchen as my wife cooked dinner for the kids, and she’d meow. Then Meow. Then MEOW! And my wife would feed her early just to shut her up.
So now she meows all the time in the kitchen
And they say we’re smarter than cats…
My dog judges my parenting. She barks and snorts if I don’t help the kids quickly enough.
My wife and I make up what my cat says. She has “conversations” with us. If we say something to her, she meows back. So we will say things like “what should we make for dinner?” And of course she just says “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want kibble for dinner. Think of something else.” So she again says, “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want canned wet food either!”
You and your wife sound delightful. Are either of you single?
“You’re pouring a glass of milk. I want milk too. Please assist.” - my tortie
My cat is always either telling me he wants to go outside unsupervised, or that he wants my food instead of his.
I endure this all day every day. Torti too
