like either a dumbass posting stupid shit, unfair bans, idiotic arguments, etc etc. i feel so incredibly stupid letting it affect me at all, but then also there’s real feelings mixed in there because it’s a real argument i give a shit about to some degree. so it’s this odd double crossing where i know it’s stupid but i process it as being real.
bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc
Look, we’re human, things upset us - what matters is how you handle being upset, not the fact that you do get upset.
Personally, I have a few rules to help me
- don’t check notifications or social media right before bed.
- if a reply or statement upsets me, I will put away my phone for as long as it takes me to process my feelings and see the comment in a more neutral light.
I’ve learned to walk away. I used to bite, hard. But now I might give them the accurate answer then leave their tirade and maybe even block them. I have this lovely wife. Great kids. I’d rather put down phone and see what they’re up to than engage with some guy online who probably doesn’t even whipe their own arse.
Great mindset
Something that really helped me on this front (that’s carried over to the way Lemmy is built, too) is that nested comments get less and less visible. At some point, it really is just you and the other person arguing and no one else is even watching. When I ask myself the question “is this really someone I want a one-on-one conversation with?” the answer is almost always no.
It’s really limited my back-and-forth to one, maybe two responses from me per exchange (bad or good). It clearly defines an endpoint to the conversation, and if there’s something I really feel like I have to say, it’s gotta be in that first or second reply. That habit has helped me so much.
I’ll have you know I do wipe my own arse
I think that, in the moment, online arguments can feel extremely real and heated. But, then you go out and do other things, and it becomes less and less important over time.
Of course, then you come back and find a notification from one of those morons you’ve been arguing with, and then you’re right back in it. So I guess just practice? Like, just keep reminding yourself that it doesn’t actually matter, even if it feels like it does.
Also, shrooms help. I remember I got into a heated snit with some idiot online an hour or so before eating a bunch of caps. Then, when I was trying to explain what the argument was about to one of my friends, I couldn’t finish because hearing myself explain it became apparent just how ridiculous the entire thing was. I think psychedelics just give you perspective that you’re lacking in your normal day-to-day life.
'Murica bad people
If an argument is upsetting or frustrating me then I will stop replying. I like to argue for fun and as soon as it’s not fun I try to disengage because there is already enough angry people on the internet and I don’t want to be another one.
If it’s an unfair ban, I’ll post one comment saying it’s unfair and possibly insulting the mods. Only one comment otherwise it turns into a fight and I get banned to.
The reason why I don’t really get upset by internet arguments is because I remind myself that we don’t know each other and never will. We both have completely different world views and perspective and that’s fine. I’ve also been on the internet a long time and learned the hard way that arguments on the internet are a pointless waste of time if your goal is to get the other person to change their mind.
You also never know how serious another person is. I once strung a youtube comment section argument out for 8 months. My position was that space was not real and this guy was an idiot for believing the footage was real. Of course I believe space is real its just funny to say its not and watch people lose their minds.
Alot of times I’ll write up something, and usually take a minute away to do some cursory research. Sometimes I find my initial reaction was wrong and I’ll be like, “Glad I didn’t post that shit!” Other times I may just stop caring after spending some time away. By the time I come back I just don’t feel like continuing and just close out.
If I’m still feeling pumped and irritated, then I stick with it and keep building up the argument and write whatever dumb shit I’m gonna write.
I usually stop reading notifications and replies a few days after the fact, to distance myself from it.
I got old
Same. The opinions of other do not matter. At all. I have a nice beer that I can drink instead.
An interesting thing about Lemmy is that if you delete your comment, it also nukes every comment underneath it. So if you say something, and then people are giving you a hard time about it, and then you go out for a walk and are still annoyed about it, you can self-destruct and take them with you (this isn’t based on a true story of course, but if it was, I’d say it’s terrible in that it discourages engagement and deletes someone else’s actually-correct info, but it’s a good way to get over it all)
except you can reply to the so called nuked comment and it re appears
Step away from it and avoid engaging. Let it fade into memory. Distract yourself with something you enjoy or find fun/entertaining. Don’t give them your attention or energy, and don’t go looking for more stuff that will make you mad. It’s hard but it does work if you stick with it and don’t let yourself get stuck thinking about it over and over. If absolutely necessary, vent about it to a friend, get the salt out of your system without inviting it into your life directly. Only engage with something that you think deserves your time and energy. Just because it’s a topic you give a shit about, that doesn’t mean that someone being a dickhead on the internet deserves any emotional investment or emotional labour from you. Not letting yourself engage with something that upsets you can feel frustrating at first, but after a while it will begin to feel very freeing. You will start to feel less obligated to devote too much mental real-estate to things that upset you and shitty people who don’t deserve the time of day from you. You will then feel less of that immediate urge to dive in and get involved in an argument, which will likely only upset you. Instead it gets easier to move on and let it fade to white noise in the backdrop of your thoughts, until it’s gone completely.
That was my experience at least when I started having this issue and decided to just stop getting into it with stupid online strangers.
Log off and touch grass.
Not even trying to be a dick, but I’ll go water my gardens lol.
Write a reply, and then, after about 5 sentences I hit cancel.
When I start being upset, I stop being upset and be awesome instead 😅
Be thankful that this is the biggest problem I’m facing!
Don’t feed the trolls.
Walk away and take a breath.
Also, will this really matter to me:
- Tomorrow?
- In a week?
- In a month?
- In a year?
That helps to put challenging situations into perspective.
