In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don’t know what I’ve been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they’re supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don’t like the way the things are and I can’t do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually “pace up” with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks, I’ll look into them all
Life has no purpose. You cannot waste it. You only live and die. Do what you want, or don’t. It doesn’t matter.
Looks like someone has been reading the book of Ecclesiastes!
In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.
We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don’t hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you’ll have lived a damn good life.
When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.
Life isn’t about keeping up.
It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.
For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.
Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.
But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.
I love your comment about happiness not being a contest. I have always bought in to the idea that happiness is a choice, you decide what’s important to you and if you’re getting those things then be happy! Don’t worry about everyone else comparing themselves to each other endlessly, that is the road to madness 🙂
The best way to be miserable in life is to compare yourself to others. Just do your best, thats all that matters
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Can we not do the whole “women are objects to be ranked based on physical appearance only and fought over as prizes” thing, please? That prom queen has agency of her own-- who’s to say she’s even into the “winner”, let alone that their personalities are in any way compatible? Maybe (assuming she’s interested in men and looking for a relationship) she’d rather be with a guy who isn’t hypercompetitive, who’s more laid back and easygoing?
Which brings me to the other problem with your metaphor: what’s “winning”? Someone could be doing well by society’s metrics and be miserable, because their current lifestyle isn’t the right fit for them. Someone else could be a total failure by society’s metrics, but perfectly content with their life the way it is. Who’s the real winner there? (Spoiler alert: it’s the second person).
I don’t know; can we not do the whole “unduly overreacting to the use of metaphor” thing, please? Honestly, your comment sounds exactly like something from a ChatGPT bot.
Tell ya what: don’t use a sexist metaphor next time, and I promise not to overreact. ;)
Sorry I didn’t put a ton of brainpower into spicing up the wording of a throwaway comment on an anonymous message board I wrote at near-midnight my time.
This is such a short-sighted take. My wife was prom queen… 3 years before I met her. I forgot about it completely until I read your post and thought, “what a childish thing to say, no one cares about that.” Why? Because I have 20 years of history with my wife. 2 children, a good job, a good life, and a happy family. Exactly 0% of that has anything to do with a prom that happened years before we met.
I want to live a long and happy life, and have as many days as possible with my wife, my children, and maybe their children (if they decide to have any). The things that worry me aren’t whether or not I’m having sex with a former prom queen, but how can I stay healthy so I can have a chance to make as many memories with the people I love as possible. It’s about whether or not they feel loved, accepted, and fulfilled. High school popularity has no value whatsoever to healthy, adjusted adults.
Have you ever heard of a metaphor?
We know what metaphors are, it’s just a really bad one.
I’m really trying to not make this a way to mess up with my mental state, but instead a search on how to achieve the best of myself. I just want to know how these people are waking up in the morning and do the stuff they do.
one of my psychologist friends said a long time ago “if you don’t keep improving yourself, then what’s the point in living”.
you’re clearly already taking steps on self-improvement and personal introspection, which is probably one of the hardest things a human can do.
honestly you’re already kicking goals if you try and be a better person each day. No one can ask more of you.
Living like that sounds very harmful to ones mental health. Sometimes people can’t improve despite trying and trying, and being told there’s no point in living without improvement would just help people that are already depressed justify their thoughts on not being alive any more.
the comment isn’t literal. it was an off handed way of saying that it is beneficial to try and improve oneself to get the most out of life.
i perhaps shouldn’t have qualified his profession because this was a conversation over beers, not his place of work.
Man, that doesn’t resonate with me at all. I don’t think there is any point to living other than just enjoying your time here. Sure, work when necessary to be able to afford the necessities, develop some skills to be able to afford a few luxuries, but honestly just do things that make you happy. Self-improvement as a reason to live seems awful. If you’re unable to improve, are you a failure? If you’re already happy as you are, should you just end it?
it depends on what you consider self-improvement to be
This is the core. I improve every day; part of that is by still not being dead.
Some people measure improvement by monetary wealth; some by fame, some by influence, some by personal happiness.
The key is to figure out what YOU value instead of measuring your improvement by someone else’s scale.
Some people are just wired differently, those people are programmed in a way that just so happens to be congruent with our society. It’s not that something is wrong with you, it’s just that society is “more right” for them.
It’s also worth mentioning that I’ve been on the other side of this fence. It’s something that can be learned with time and dedication. If you feel like your life is unfulfilling and you want to change, you are never locked into the life you have right now.
Just remember that because the face you see is always smiling doesn’t mean they truly enjoy their life. For all you know they’re so burned out and miserable, over the stress, and would kill to go back to a less stressful life.
We all have a tendency to see the grass as greener on the other side.
A bit of a scale issue. You’re seeing the top 0.001% of people. And they derive some kind of pleasure from their passions (probably) and are really specifically wired to chase this thing. It’s ok to be mortal. The only thing you should excel at is being you and finding satisfaction in your own life. For every person with a world changing invention, or what have you, there are millions of people just living, and that’s ok.
I think some people just have different perspectives on life, different motivations. As an elderly millennial I empathize with you OP, I’ve felt much the same myself. I’m coming to terms with the fact that some people are just really focused and ambitious, while others (like me), really aren’t - and that’s perfectly okay.
well living in clown world doesn’t help, seeing as how we’re at least a hundred years behind where we should be if history didn’t go the way it did. if anyone’s to blame it’s JP Morgan after he shut down Tesla’s funding way back then.
I’m just enjoying the ride. Not concerned about wasting time or achievement. Kudos to those who strive to make a difference. I’m just happy to be here!
Reading this, I can’t help but imagine it could have been written by a golden retriever. And that is an oddly cute thing to picture. 😀
Definitely some Mr. Peanut Butter material right there!
LOL waves tail happily
This one, yes!
Don’t compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Do you have a goal? Set realistic achievable milestones. Come up with a 5 year plan of how you’re going to get where you want to be.
You should try to move away from chasing goals, especially goals which are dictated by others. But even with your own goals, keep in mind that achieving a goal means little in comparison to the road there.
Imagine you dream of buying a house, or big car, whatever status symbol is your jam. You work your ass off for decades, are possibly miserable all the time and then achieve your goal. Do you think this will change anything meaningful? Sparks of joy never last, so take them when they come, try to be happy about smaller things in life and stop chasing grand goals. Embrace the present, not the future. You live now and only now. Always.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Enjoy others’ success but compare yourself of today with yourself from the past.
It can be, but it can also be the match to the tinder.
For about 5ish years I didn’t do much with my life. Stayed home and worked and only really hung out with people online. It was fun, but never felt satisfying over long periods of time. It was only during the lockdowns that I started watching YouTube videos and realizing what I wanted to do with my life.
I started learning a second language, going back to college, riding a bike again, traveled the world and lived in another country for a short period of time, began accepting my sexuality, and am about a year out from getting my Associate Degree before I get my Bachelors.
Yes, comparison is bad but sometimes you just need to the right amount to realize that you’re squandering your time on this rock and start carving a new path.
That’s another way to word it. As I said, enjoy what other people’s success looks like and be inspired by it. You can try to do the same things, if you find value in them, but just know that your success might look differently.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Maybe I am the wrong person to answer, but no. I’ve had one hell of a life so far. I worked in television, I interned for the Walt Disney Company, I served in the military, and as a result, traveled the world and lived in Europe. I even was a part of the convoy that recused Joe Biden in Afghanistan (my role was minor but I was there). All of that started because I didn’t want to stay in my hometown and left to pursue something much more interesting.
You were there in 08 too? I remember a bunch of senators crash landing in a snowstorm didn’t get to participate though.
There was a snowstorm up in the mountains but the helicopter didn’t crash, the weather was too dangerous to fly in. I was traveling with Arizona Reserve troops and we were diverted to go pick up Joe Biden, Chuck Hagel, and John Kerry. All we knew at the time was some DVs needed a pickup and I never even saw them until we got back to Bagram where we were told who we picked up.
You seem to have figured it out at least. Happy for you!
I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.
The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.
I know this might be dangerous to think about but I don’t feel good about what I have done myself without any guidance in the past. Like, not at all. I want to take advantage of many opportunities around me and be the best of myself. I’ve been taking some steps especially since last year but I think I’m still missing the main idea.
I could say I haven’t really defined a “purpose” in my life, but I can see these kind of people are definitely somewhere close to what I might want to head towards.I think it’s completely healthy to want to better yourself and look at the examples of people around you, but remember that you’ve placed yourself in this group and as you grow you’ll place yourself in new groups with a new set of coworkers/friends/colleagues and some of them will outpace you. I found I was continuously stacking myself against the people around me in my career, and as I grew I would stack myself against a new set of people on the next “level”, which made me lose sight of my own overall growth. It definitely drove me forward and overall it seems to have worked out, but as you grow just make sure to take some time to reflect on your accomplishments.
Yes, I wish I could surround myself around such people more and more, it just helps you see things so much clearer. I’m still “looked up on” by most people around me and it actually pisses me up. Why are you telling me I’m doing very good, I’m the best etc.? It doesn’t help me grow at all!
I think the truth is probably somewhere in between how you view your accomplishments and how the people around you do. It sounds like you’ve made great academic progress, but you obviously haven’t finished growing yet. I wouldn’t consider that time wasted, just time for the next step, and you’ll be surprised at how much of a leg up your previous experience is going to give you. Best of luck dude!
You’re not alone in that regard. No one guided me either. But I self taught myself the skill I wanted to persue. And after 7 seven years in, I just gave up. Honestly I’ve no regrets. My school mates are doing way better than I ever could. I’ve no shame where I took my life, because it was my own decision.
I don’t think you have to bound yourself to a purpose in life. Better invest your time and energy in something you enjoy. Build some skills.
Being the best “yourself” you can be is definitely a good goal to have.
However, it doesn’t really sound like you’re trying to be the best “yourself”. You’re looking around you and see these other people doing stuff. Would you ever have arrived at these conclusions yourself if you had never seen these “successful” people around you?
You’re seeing what is theoretically possible if your life was set up in another way i.e. you were a different person. But you’re not. All these people you’re seeing around you had very specific upbringing, opportunities, genetics etc etc all of which you’re not privy to.
Everyone theoretically wants to have had a successful company. Or wants to have had a groundbreaking discovery. Or whatever. But very very few people actually do these things, even if they try hard, mostly those things happen because circumstances in some way set themselves up for these people.
Of course you have to work towards these kind of things to have any chance at them. But that’s the thing, those people actually wanted to do those things more than pretty much anything else very early in life. That wasn’t because they are just better people, no, it was just because probably their parents or something else instilled some sense of need for specific achievement within them. You didn’t get that, so you didn’t do these things.
We’re entering very philosophical territory. Let me give you some more food for thought.
As perspective, 99% of people never do anything like the stuff you mentioned in their life. And many of these people live a very content and happy life. Are 99% of people wasting their life? Only the ones that aren’t content?
What is the end result of, for example, having an amazing startup? How will your life look like, if you do or do not have that, in 10 years? 50 years? 100 years? 1000 years? 10 million years?
Is it of utmost importance that you have had (something like) a successful startup before you die? What if you’re one of those 99% that chase it but never reach it? What if you had not “wasted” your life like you say, but still failed at achieving your goal? It’s very normal for that to happen.
For me personally, I know that I’m not great at anything much. I have achieved nothing noteworthy. I have no real goals I need to achieve. My only real goal is to be as morally good a person as I can be. I have not a lot of money. I have no family.
Yet I am perfectly happy. I think that it’s absolutely irrelevant what exactly I do with my life. I do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it, and if I don’t, that’s fine as well. Life does not have a goal state.Would you ever have arrived at these conclusions yourself if you had never seen these “successful” people around you?
I wasn’t really content with my life in general when I didn’t start to hear about the successful people either. I mean, it’s pretty rare to see I am content with myself in general. But if I didn’t hear about them I’d assume that’s just what it is I guess
You’re seeing what is theoretically possible if your life was set up in another way i.e. you were a different person. But you’re not. All these people you’re seeing around you had very specific upbringing, opportunities, genetics etc etc all of which you’re not privy to.
Honestly it was perfectly possible I could go back in time and just not mess up some things and be perfectly close to whatever people I envy on. I could count not-so-hard-to-miss mistakes and it’d take forever to finish. I didn’t really miss anything that others had, perhaps some guidance. But I think it is up to me to guide myself. Like, it’s not like my parents are supposed to guide me for everything, nor teachers or friends etc. So I consider being unguided as a “me problem” as well
As perspective, 99% of people never do anything like the stuff you mentioned in their life. And many of these people live a very content and happy life. Are 99% of people wasting their life? Only the ones that aren’t content?
I think it’s kind of a perspective thing. I just feel like I need these for myself because of personality or traits etc. Others might not.
Just remember that you don’t see the negative parts of these people’s lives. Not taking anything away from their accomplishments, and it’s great to aim high. Anything that can inspire you to take action to improve your life is a good thing. However, I promise they still have things they regret, time they feel was wasted, and moments of feeling unsatisfied.
Let’s not even think about these as “accomplishments”. I really don’t think they’re as unpleased about what they’re doing as much as I do, hence the title. Of course everyone have their regrets, that’s not my point really. I need to do better because I feel the lack of it, isn’t this valid enough?
I need to do better because I feel the lack of it, isn’t this valid enough?
Like I said, anything that motivates you to improve your life is a great thing imo. So yeah, if you feel unfulfilled, of course that’s a valid sign that you should absolutely do more challenging or meaningful things. My point is just that when you compare yourself to others, you’re comparing your whole self with their public self. You know your own doubts, insecurities, etc, but not theirs. So it’s not a totally fair comparison. In the same way, other people could look at you doing well academically and envy your position, because they don’t know that despite that success you are feeling unsatisfied.
Kind of felt that way for a long time. Still kinda there but I feel like I’m finding satisfaction in other things than a yuge career, like my family and home improvement. The time I spend being useful to someone else than me (and my boss) don’t quite feel like a waste of time. To me, it’s not about “pacing up”, it’s more about finding what makes you feel the best version of yourself.
Hmm, take it easy on yourself. You don’t have to be someone known. Just enjoy what you have and stay satisfied. I know its harder to do than to say but human desires can keep you wanting for whole life.
Our realm is full of noisy things, making us chase/desire what we don’t have, and that is deliberate.
Fill your life with positivity, Change your prescription. Greed and envy will only give you negativity.
I just want to. And I believe I can, can’t I? I don’t think I lack anything they have. This is more of “I’m sad because of these people doing better than me” but “Oh, I can’t believe I missed this. How can I do it myself as well?” approach.
When you know you don’t want to do that, then why are you doing that?
Maybe the title is kind of making you say what you’re saying, but I really don’t like how I’ve been using my time in the past. And I’m not using that to feel bad about myself. I just don’t think I’m seeing through my mistakes enough. I can still change, like a lot.
No. I’ve been in that insecure position. I just realised its not worth my time. Look forward.
Well… no and yes.
No - I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my life. I feel like I’m supposed to feel that way, and I know that many (most?) people looking from the outside in would believe that I have, but I just don’t feel that way. I’m content, and as far as i can tell, that’s the only thing that matters.
Ah, but there’s the rub - I’m content. It sounds as if you’re not.
Unfortunately, the only thing I can definitely recommend is to try to assess your own feelings and figure out if you really are discontented or if you’re just going along with the idea that you should be.
But if you really are discontented… I guess I could say to try to look at what it is that you really value (which is likely not coincidentally what you’ve mostly done with your time) and try to actually feel the value in it.
But I have no idea how that’s done, since its apparently just something that I do naturally.
Sorry if that doesn’t heip…
