Capitalism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human anus
Just use a lot of it I guess. It’s just gonna cost them more in the long run.
I don’t see why it makes any difference whether it’s two-ply coiled 50 times around the roll, or one-ply coiled 100 times around the roll.
I actually prefer a handful of one ply. It’s soft and there are more gaps between the plys which makes your handful puffier. You just have to take a longer batch. If that extra effort results in people conserving over time: great.
As a person with bidet at home, I actually carry my own paper when I poo in public places.
I do know that makes me insane.
Except when it’s that thin and crappy, some of it’s going to break off no matter how much you use.
You can use a lot of it to make the company spend more money refilling, sure, but you can’t do a decent wipe with that crap, pun intended, no matter what you do with it.
Just absolutely demolish the toilet every time you use it.
Make them suck out that half-a-ply-ass-TP with oil rig equipment.
Flush a bundle of tampons wrapped in floss.
Soak a large sponge in cornstarch, wrap as small as possible with rubber bands, let dry, cut rubber bands then flush a hand full of these down the toilet.
How are you guys smuggling all those sabotage supplies to work? 😆
Gotta do the star fold with the thin stuff, get the grain aligned like plywood to keep it from splitting.
You mean like some sort of asshole origami? Assigami?
I don’t think I’ve ever wiped my ass with a star. Other than that weird weekend with Ryan Seacrest, of course.
I love these false economies that some corporate bean counter thinks saves the company money
Because you see, whenever I see this trash in a cubicle, I lovingly build my own 8-ply, using more paper and burning company time
They thought the service they hired was the least expensive.
The Janitorial service is the one cutting costs because they are not the ones using the toilet paper and they only care about their bottom line.
Nicer paper means they lose the contract. Capitalism and somebody else’s problem all the way down.
It definitely takes more time to gently extract enough paper for the job without it crumbling to dust.
Oh look, it’s “using 3x as much toilet paper than normal because management wanted to save money so they got worthless toilet paper that only costs half as much as regular”.
just pull out more and fold lmao; they can’t control how much you use
They can get a hydrologic press, and make the paper so thin that it crystallises and then shards when bent. Don’t tell people about folding, that’s a veterans tip, and this is an arms race where there will be no winners.
You say that but I feel like we’re only a couple years from seeing automated TP dispensers that dole out tightly-rationed squares.
Won’t that mean everyone is walking around with shitty assholes, you might ask… And yes, yes I think it will. Which would make it sound impossible, until I tell you that corporations could reduce TP costs and improve their profits by 0.0001%; now it practically sounds like a shareholder mandate!
NEW TP POOL REGULATIONS
I’ve been asked to distribute the new regulations regarding office pool displays. The enclosed memo is a new subchapter of the EBGOC Procedure Manual, replacing the old subchapter entitled PHYSICAL PLANT/CALIFORNIA/ LOS ANGELES/BUILDINGS/OFFICE AREAS/PHYSICAL LAYOUT REGULATIONS/EMPLOYEE INPUT/ GROUP ACTIVITIES.
The old subchapter was a flat prohibition on the use of office space or time for “pool” activities of any kind, whether permanent (e.g., coffee pool) or one-time (e.g., birthday parties).
This prohibition still applies, but a single, one-time exception has now been made for any office that wishes to pursue a joint bathroom-tissue strategy.
By way of introduction, let me just make a few general comments on this subject. The problem of distributing bathroom tissue to workers presents inherent challenges for any office management system due to the inherent unpredictability of usage-not every facility usage transaction necessitates the use of bathroom tissue, and when it is used, the amount needed (number of squares) may vary quite widely from person to person and, for a given person, from one transaction to the next. This does not even take into account the occasional use of bathroom tissue for unpredictable/creative purposes such as applying/removing cosmetics, beverage-spill management, etc. For this reason, rather than trying to package bathroom tissue in small one-transaction packets (as is done with premoistened towelettes, for example), which can be wasteful in some cases and limiting in other cases, it has been traditional to package this product in bulk distribution units whose size exceeds the maximum amount of squares that an individual could conceivably use in a single transaction (barring force majeure). This reduces to a minimum the number of transactions in which the distribution unit is depleted (the roll runs out) during the transaction, a situation that can lead to emotional stress for the affected employee.
However, it does present the manager with some challenges in that the distribution unit is rather bulky and must be repeatedly used by a number of different individuals if it is not to be wasted.
Since the implementation of Phase XVII of the Austerity Program, employees have been allowed to bring their own bathroom tissue from home. This approach is somewhat bulky and redundant, as every worker usually brings their own roll.
Some offices have attempted to meet this challenge by instituting bathroom-tissue pools. Without overgeneralizing, it may be stated that an inherent and irreducible feature of any bathroom-tissue pool implemented at the office level, in an environment (i.e., building) in which comfort stations are distributed on a per-floor basis (i.e., in which several offices share a single facility) is that provision must be made within the confines of the individual office for temporary stationing of bathroom tissue distribution units (i.e., rolls). This follows from the fact that if the BTDUs (rolls) are stationed, while inactive, outside of the purview of the controlling office (i.e., the office that has collectively purchased the BTDU)-that is, if the BTDUS are stored, for example, in a lobby area or within the facility in which they are actually utilized, they will be subject to pilferage and “shrinkage” as unauthorized persons consume them, either as part of a conscious effort to pilfer or out of an honest misunderstanding, i.e., a belief that the BTDUs are being provided free of charge by the operating agency (in this case the United States Government), or as the result of necessity, as in the case of a beverage spill that is encroaching on sensitive electronic equipment and whose management will thus brook no delay. This fact has led certain offices (which shall go unnamed-you know who you are, guys) to establish makeshift BTDU depots that also serve as pool-contribution collection points. Usually, these depots take the form of a table, near the door closest to the facility, on which the BTDUs are stacked or otherwise deployed, with a bowl or some other receptacle in which participants may place their contributions, and typically with a sign or other attention-getting device (such as a stuffed animal or cartoon) requesting donations. A quick glance at the current regulations will show that placement of such a display/depot violates the procedure manual. However, in the interests of employee hygiene, morale, and group spirit-building, my higher-ups have agreed to make a one-time exception in the regulations for this purpose.
As with any part of the procedure manual, new or old, it is your responsibility to be thoroughly familiar with this material. Estimated reading time for this document is 15.62 minutes (and don’t think we won’t check). Please make note of the major points made in this document, as follows:
BTDU depot/displays are now allowed, on a trial basis, with the new policy to be reviewed in six months. These must be operated on a voluntary, pool-type basis, as described in the subchapter on employee pools. (Note: This means keeping books and tallying all financial transactions.) BTDUS must be brought in by the employees (not shipped through the mailroom) and are subject to all the usual search-and-seizure regulations. Scented BTDUs are prohibited as they may cause allergic reactions, wheezing, etc. in some persons. Cash poool donations, as with all monetary transactions within the U.S. Government, must use official U.S. currency-no yen or Kongbucks.
Naturally, this will lead to a bulk problem if people try to use the donation bucket as a dumping ground for bundles of old billion and trillion dollar bills. The Buildings and Grounds people are worried about waste-disposal problems and the potential fire hazard that may ensue if large piles of billions and trillions begin to mount up. Therefore, a key feature of the new regulation is that the donation bucket must be emptied every day-more often if an excessive build-up situation is seen to develop.
In this vein, the B & C people would also like me to point out that many of you who have excess U.S. currency to get rid of have been trying to kill two birds with one stone by using old billions as bathroom tissue. While creative, this approach has two drawbacks:
- It clogs the plumbing, and
- It constitutes defacement of U.S. currency, which is a federal crime.
DON’T DO IT. Join your office bathroom-tissue pool instead. It’s easy, it’s hygienic, and it’s legal.
Happy pooling, Marietta.
– Neil Stephenson Snow Crash
Is this that new transparent wood I keep hearing about?
You should see/try socialist/communist toilet paper. Not only is it thin like this, it will also no-so-gently exfoliate your anus.
Source: Cuban resorts and lived experience in the former Soviet Union during the 80’s and early 90’s.
More like totalitarian toilet paper
Real stateless, classless societies could probably come up with something less barbaric than smearing your asshole with earth-destroying lumber
Missed opportunity for toiletarian paper
And this is why the toilet paper under wins the debate.
I would start bringing my own toilet paper.
Or would check out the toilets on the floor where the management offices are.
I would start bringing my own toilet paper.
And reward their shittiness by buying your own paper?
Write an email to HR, leaving a paper trail in case they retaliate…
If they don’t solve this issue, I would just go home to take a dump and come back without clocking out… If they complain, I would tell them they need reasonable toilet paper.
You might get fired for it, so I would start applying for other jobs before attempting this.
I would tell them they need reasonable toilet paper.
I don’t see how any judge would follow this argument. So you’re just leaving work for a few hours every day.
A few hours? How far do you live from your work?
You should be asking how often I poop.
a terrifying amount of people consider it completely and utterly normal to drive 2 hours to work every day
2 hours? As a non-american, I sometimes forget how car-centric and spread out American cities are… I knew Americans drive a lot, but 2 hours? Please tell me that’s the combined back and forth trip, not each way…
2 hours is uncommon but not remotely unheard of. 1 hour is common. Our infrastructure is garbage.
I love your spirit.
Thanks. Always leave a paper trail… especially toilet paper trail.
That just means people will use more of it.
Hopefully they realize it won’t save them anything when people use an entire roll every time they shit.
Don’t you wanna get in touch with your inner self?
This should be against the ADA. Many Americans have Crohn’s, ulcerative colitis, IBS, and other issues which make them need to use the restroom frequently. Using toilet paper of that quality quickly becomes painful and causes inflammation.
You realize everyone in the office has very recently just touched their own poop. Even management cant put a positive spin on that. You need better TP.
reminds me seinfeld episode, where Elaine want a a square, but the woman in the other stall says “I can’t spare a square. I don’t have a square to spare.”
I would not have spared a square.