I’m 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don’t have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I’m the “odd old lady”. I think people past 40 don’t really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I’m overweight so I can’t really use apps, and to be honest don’t really want. So how a single woman without kids (can’t have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol
What about volunteering groups? I’m in my 20s but volunteering groups tend to have people on the older side. It helps that people in their 40s and over tend to be financially stable and would spend their free time to volunteer.
I’m going to second this one. I volunteer for an air museum and it’s folks from late 30s and up.
Edit: accidentally submitted before I was done typing
I second this. I help people at the library with their computer stuff, and it gets me out of the house and makes me feel like I am contributing. Much underrated feeling.
You’re right I’ll try!
Volunteer work is my go-to answer in these situations.
I’m around 40, am always very busy with work, and I can’t hold complex conversations in the language that 95% of the population of my country speaks exclusively. My personal interests are extremely technical, and unusual (bordering on arcane). So meeting new friends is a bit of a challenge for me too.
It was still a very effective way to meet awesome people of all ages, some younger, some older! I even met my wife that way.
I agree it’s hard to find new friends when being 40+. But in would avoid apps, and go for Meetup events. It just feels a lot lot more natural to share a walk, or some event, with strangers, since it’s easy to get going and talk about things.
I would find a group or club related to hobbies you have. Hobbies can start as a common interest, and as you get to know each other, things can grow from there.
It’s not a guaranteed “relationship finder” but you’ll at the very least make some friends.
I hope it’s not too personal of a question to ask, but are you straight, lesbian, or bi? Because each one of those kind of comes with its own set of suggestions. You obviously do not have to share if you do not feel comfortable with that. I just don’t want to be giving a lesbian hints about finding a guy, you know?
Yes you’re right. I’m a straight woman :)
Okay, so with hobbies, stuff you’re already interested in is a good start, but it might be helpful to explore some “guy hobbies” in the sense of like, find some hobbies that are more popular with men, and then find one that sounds like it could be interesting to you, and try to find a local group based on that. If you pursue groups with larger percentage of men, it’s easier to find someone you’re potentially interested in and vice-versa.
Just make sure you’re pursuing a hobby you’ll actually end up liking. Don’t be afraid to be like “Yeah, this actually isn’t for me.” That’s up to and including “These men are just not receptive to a woman in this space.” (You don’t want to waste your time with gatekeeping men)
Like, you’d be hard pressed in tech groups, which kind of have a history of being stuck up when it comes to women in “their” spaces (nevermind that women programmed the computers on the moon missions back in the day because typing was “women’s work” *rolls eyes).
Football or soccer might be a little easier, there’s still a lot of women in those circles, and less dopey men gatekeeping, at least in my experience . There’s still some of that, but I think women being into sports is more accepted than it used to be, compared to tech spaces.
Or do I just give up?!
Whatever you do, don’t give up. Nobody deserves to live in loneliness. There are many like you out there - people are lonelier than ever before. Whatever you do, try to fight against that.
Disc golf is absolutely something to check out, no matter where you are starting from. Golf-like rules with much more interesting terrain and equipment. Unlike golf in being easy and cheap to pick up, and having a famously friendly player base with deep hippie roots and a passion for growing the sport. My mom plays with gusto in her 60’s, and several of her senior center buddies found their way into the game on their own too.
It shares many of the good things about hiking, volunteering, and activity clubs, and new friends from those will be excited to join you on the course. New friends getting addicted to it together are such a joy. It’s also a fantastic sport for just walking through the forest alone, listening to audiobooks and talking to birds and chipmunks while practicing whipping colorful plastic into the distance with your whole body (and accidentally hitting trees.)
Disc golf was the fastest growing sport in much of the world pre-pandemic, and took off so fast during the opening act that you could hardly buy discs off the shelf. You may have many courses and shops nearby, https://udisc.com/ is the best place to get started. Good teachers like Danny Lindahl can help with the form basics if you want a crash course. As you get more involved, there are new niches to find like disc dyeing, weekly amateur doubles leagues, following the pro scene on YouTube, and volunteering at tournaments with course clubs.
Go try it! Wear sturdy shoes, let people play through if you’re in a relaxed paced group, yell FORE and keep yelling at errant shots, and just get a beginner friendly fairway driver and a putter that feels good in your hand and go try ‘em out. Hope ya have a blast
I’d like to know too.
My childhood friend ditched his family and swapped for a younger woman from work about a decade ago. Marriage was not the happiest, but I think he jumped the gun. Now the younger woman ditched him and he’s alone. His now teenage child is keeping touch, but is not happy about their history.
Guy is miserable and I’m afraid suicide is an option.
Can’t get him to take a new hobby, interest or activity. He’s been drowning himself in work and I don’t think it’s helping.
With men it’s easier because there are men’s groups. Have your friend join a men’s group. I mean, if he wants to get over his shit. If he’s asking. If he’s not, you can’t really help him.
Where are these “men’s groups” you speak of? As a “man,” I’ve not heard of any, at least none that aren’t inherently linked to toxic masc MAN-man personality traits.
Mutual Aid/Food Bank/Volunteer around your city, or start a group and invite people around.
Local park and library/college may also help, where groups tend to meet.
Gyms also have classes for different age groups, may take a bit to figur out though!
Quick search:
https://bestlifeonline.com/hobbies-for-your-40s/
Some of these are common sense and good ideas!
Best way to meet new people is when doing things you love!
I dont know if you enjoy singing , but in many countries here in Europe, there are lots of choirs for all types of music, as well as for beginners, for almost professionals and usually all ages mixed or lots of people above 40. Usually people go for a drink after rehearsal but not for the alcohol but for the company. In my choir many that come to the bar after rehearsal just drink something nonalcoholic.
Here, 40 is also an age where people still go to bars without feeling weird about it. Of course there are a few bars only full of Students but there are still lots of bars with people above 40 too.
I have a group of friends from Meetup (as others have suggested). One of them just got married for the first time at around 40. He met his wife via a friend who he also met from Meetup. Just a personal anecdote but I thought it would be helpful :)
Good luck!
Have you tried volunteering? Gets you out, you’d meet people with similar interests, and to top it off you’d be doing good in the community!
I know you said you don’t like dating apps, but I would write them off completely. My partner and I met online (we’re both within a few years of your age), and one thing we both agree on is that dating apps are great for vetting a potential partner ahead of time. It’s frustrating to meet someone only to find out that they have/want kids (we don’t), don’t share any common interests, have opposing religious/political views, etc. By the time we actually met in person, we both already knew that we would at least get along as friends. It does seem that women tend to get a lot more “garbage” matches on online dating than men do, though; it probably also depends largely on where you live.
I joined a local maker space and met great people, sharing similar interests. Surprisingly (to me when I joined) most seem to be over 40, like me, and there are as many women as men here.
what’s a maker space?
like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol
WTF.
I’m 49, you are absolutely not too old to be going out. You’re also not to old to be in the middle of the mosh pit.
lol! I meant I don’t have the patience for young drunk people anymore. I only know a couple of 28yo here and went out with them one night… guess who was puked on? lol
I was done with partying when I was in my twenties, honestly. It doesn’t give me anything. I can’t hear people talking, we always lose each other in the crowd, it’s stuffy, people are obnoxious when drunk, etc etc etc, blech.
I much prefer a social thing at someone’s house with at most like 5-8 people, maximum. Preferably max 4. Then everyone can be heard, get a chance to speak, not too loud, bathroom close at hand, cheaper drinks that don’t empty your pockets, access to more fun things not available in a club/restaurant like video/board games, movies, etc etc etc.
If you’re up for it – try a fitness group, hiking group, or gym, you might not meet friends right away but any time you spend there will still feel good and be good for you
Hardcore agreement with regard to hiking groups. I’m in my 50s and happily married, but my wife has MS and isn’t really able to join me on my hiking excursions. I have a brother and a nephew and a son who will sometimes join me on my various expeditions, but they aren’t consistent partners, which is fine, so I’ve since turned to a local hiking group that has things happening on any given weekend.
I’m not single or even remotely looking for a relationship, but I’ve definitely seen some younger people find romantic partners in our little hiking group.
