BlackRing

I put a gun to my head, ready to end it all.

Woke up in a hospital. No drugs involved.

I drove myself there. The gun was in the glove compartment. Apparently, I self admitted through ED.

I remember NOTHING from gun to my head to waking up in the hospital.

Not sure if that qualifies as near death, but I think I was.

I am better now. That was years ago, I came close again recently, but this time I have answers about myself and a place to start.

Lilo and Stitch!

Nope. Not normal sounding to me. Even your doctor says it’s not normal if you think about it, he thinks it’s early. As everyone else states, second opinion time.

Everything you listed, I get, but at a mere fraction, save for the swelling, nothing here. Beyond seeing another doctor for a second opinion, it sounds like you’re physically fit, which is more troubling. I am kind of fit, and sometimes my back hurts. What makes it go away? Working out my core muscles in a regimen after a few weeks. Staying active.

I am 40 fwiw, and you sound far worse off than I feel. See another physician.

Try to take the time to care for your mental and emotional health when you need to, then, instead of stewing for years and years. I made the mistake of rolling with it, turned 35, and I’m lucky to still be here at 40.

Still struggling. Wish I’d spoken with someone years ago.

Not what they asked for. Duck tape is a brand, and is in my department. Duct tape is in plumbing which also does HVAC products, and is actual foil tape with a peel off backing, actually used for ductwork.

I work retail. People walk up to me like I’m a robot.

“Duck tape??” They just… Bark at me. I have gotten to the point that I refuse to tell them where something is until they treat me like a human being and ask a very simple question, “where’s duck tape?”

No.

I am a good person with a capacity for kindness. The difference? It’s not reflex.

Nice is the guy waving you through at a stop sign when it’s their turn. Sure there’s good intention, but seriously? No.

Guitar is the only hobby I acquired that never took. I wanted it to take, but did not have the funds to pursue lessons.

I could not get over the beginner hurdles of how to strum, how to really hold the pick, and so forth. If I could have taken lessons or gotten past that I might have learned and still be playing today instead of seeing the case just sitting there collecting dust.

Ghost Love Score by Nightwish

On the anti-bird spikes. In the one small place I put them so that a nest wouldn’t be right at my door and mama bird would try to attack my toddler. Seriously, no spikes a few feet away, you’ll be fine. Nope. I know it’s instinct or something to nest in a certain place each time, but come on.

My skin doesn’t dry as easily. I no longer feel the need to lotion my hands all the time. Obviously, I drink water during the day but this was the change that started that.

Everything just felt healthier. I woke up more easily for my 6am start at work.

Before I started doing that, it sometimes felt like staying hydrated was constant catching up. Now, it’s more just maintaining.

First thing in the morning I chug a tall glass of water. Somehow that’s actually made a healthy difference.

Chrysler 200 as a rental after someone smoked my Civic, and I waited to get a new one.

The car was… Jiggly? Like the suspension was unsettling, the brakes needed getting acquainted with lest you rear-end someone, and the steering had too much play. It wasn’t enough play to convince me something was wrong, it was just shit quality.

No power. At all. Getting on the freeway was an adventure in noise and hope. Everything lagged. Fuel economy was garbage too.

Looked stupid. And my Civic si that replaced it, the econobox with a hot engine, had a luxury interior in comparison, which is saying something.

Horrible car to add to a horrible week.

I have a 2022 OBW. Paint is not its strongest quality, that’s for sure.

I like the cut of your jib.

I use Hostpoint.

They were recommended by Protonmail, and meet my privacy concerns.

Not intentionally.

For example, Judit Polgar. Chess grandmaster, and excellent player, her highest rank in unsegregated rankings, like maybe top 100 right? Yeah, by age 12 she was 55th. Peak she was 8th in the world. Not 8th among women, among men and women.

It’s unsettling how she was regarded by some, and this was in the 90s. If I remember right, even Kasparov was less than kind. He might have turned around in his later years.

I like this a lot. I would add, in case it’s not obvious, to be ready to assert control once they are on the defensive. Otherwise, it becomes a situation of the pigs beating you with experience fighting in the mud.

Yeah, and I’m fairly certain he bought the right to be called ‘founder’ of Tesla… From the founders.