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Cake day: July 25th, 2023

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  • There isn’t near the kind of cultural narrative about stepfathers that there is about stepmothers, especially in media for kids. Kids absorb ideas from the fairy tales they see and hear. Stepmoms have to deal with tropes from “Cinderella” to “My Stepmom is An Alien”. Kids will then carry those notions, amorphous and unexamined, into their new relationship. Kids usually don’t have the capacity to recognize those kind of prejudices in themselves. So now the new stepmom has to deal with the kid’s indignance at a fictional character. But aside from the Dursleys in Harry Potter, I’m hard pressed to recall a wicked stepfather.

    Then there’s the puritanical thread, and I’m a dude so I don’t even know what else is lurking in our culture that wants to take a piece out of a stepmom for being the second lady in the family.

    Not to reduce what a genuinely good dad has to do, step or otherwise. But if a dad manages to use words to explain something calmly, that’s enough to get kudos from strangers on the street. I don’t think the ladies have the benefit of the same uncomplicated expectations, so they need specialized guidance.

    What exactly are you looking for in advice? How to deal with the ex and their branch? How to deal with specific behaviors from the kids? You’ll probably do better to search at the level of those topics than the role of stepdad in general.






  • He would see faces in movies, on TV In magazines and in books He thought that some of these faces might be right for him And that through the years By keeping an ideal facial structure fixed in his mind Or somewhere in the back of his mind That he might, by force of will Cause his face to approach those of his ideal The change would be very subtle It may take ten years or so Gradually his face would change its shape A more hooked nose Wider, thinner lips Beady eyes A larger forehead He imagined that this was an ability he shared with most other people That they had also molded their faces according to some ideal Maybe they imagined they imagined their new face Would better suit their personality Or maybe they imagined that their personality Would be forced to change, to fit the new appearance This is why first impressions are often correct Although some people might have made mistakes They might have arrived to an appearance that bears no relationship to them They might have picked an ideal appearance based on some childish whim Or a momentary impulse Some may have gotten half way there And then changed their minds He wonders if he too might have made a similar mistake