You overcome them by writing about exactly what you did wrong and exactly how you’re going to avoid it in the future. The more detail the better.

A mistake that still bothers you is, essentially, a mistake you don’t yet understand.

Learn from them, and don’t repeat them.

There is no going back, no re-do. So you have accepted that you made the mistake. You make it up to yourself by being better now.

The fact that you consider whatever you did a mistake is a good thing. It means you’ve already learned.

Do better. Know in your soul you won’t hurt people again. Whatever led you down the path to the mistake that makes you feel guilty, fix it. If you weren’t paying attention, start paying attention. If you weren’t thinking of other people, start thinking of other people.

Overtime your sense of a self-identity will be able to defend yourself from those memories, yeah that was really cringy, but I’m a better person now.

Never worry about things you can not change. From what you ate last night, to that one thing you might have done differently that would have changed your life completely; it does not matter one bit.

I believe you need to experience something truly life altering to really, really understand what this means to the fullest extent possible. It is an easy idea to dismiss as simple common sense or obvious. If you are forced to confront this head on with some event that massively alters your life, this ethos takes on a whole different contextual meaning. I wish I could convey the true power of this in words. I see it as a major life lesson. NEVER worry about things you can not change.

Also, feeling stupid about some mistake is something to value, and not a reason to belittle yourself. Feeling stupid, like you would like to make a better choice, is a sign of growth, or at least the opportunity for growth. Always remember, truly stupid people never feel stupid.

As with most things, it depends on the mistake. Sometimes you can fix things, or apologize for what happened, and sometimes there really isn’t anything you can do. Whether too much time has passed, or the mistake is unfixable, sometimes you have to understand it, learn from it, and let that turn you into a person who wouldn’t make the same mistake.

When it comes to forgiving yourself, I don’t have an answer. I think talking about it with someone close might help, whether it’s a therapist, a pastor, your parents, or your best friend. Getting someone else’s perspective on it can help.

Best of luck

oh there are lots of ways.

unfortunately a lot of the time, it doesn’t get any easier.

that being said, it all starts with knowing and understanding that, if you love who you are, those mistakes helped make you who you are.

personally that helped me come to peace with the fact that i had fucked up so badly.

next is atonement to yourself and others. that means learning to prevent the mistake from occurring again in the future, helping others that you recognize are making the same mistake so that they don’t have to suffer like you did, and if you hurt someone, apologizing to that person for both their and your own healings sake. sometimes it also means apologizing to yourself.

you do have to understand, though, that people change over time. our mistakes make us who we are. and you are not the same person you were when you originally made the mistake.

last and most unpleasant advice i can give is to allow the feelings to wash over you. our brain is capable of experiencing so many emotions, and each emotion serves a very important purpose. we tend to lead lives that shy away from the unpleasant emotions, but there is value to be had in experiencing them. feeling the shame of making a mistake can drive you to never make that mistake again. that’s valuable, even if it is unpleasant for a time.

signed, a guy working his ass off to be a perfect candidate for a liver transplant after a series of stupid shit decisions and drinking occurred during a divorce and a layoff.

it gets better bro.

Might be silly but I say the mistake aloud. Somehow I just feel better instantly

Meditation and Talking

When meditating about it you spend time thinking about it. Usually, we do not want to think about bad things. We do not spend time thinking about the bad stuff. When you are afraid of thinking about it, you may face the fear and might lose, or at least relax, it.

When talking about a topic you spend time with it. You think differently when you talk and not only think. You may talk to yourself, to an imaginary person, or a real person. There’s also a difference between if the other person responds, or not. It’s usually sufficient, or even better, if the other person does not respond at all but only listens. There are even groups where the people only listen to you. They are called “emotions anonymuous”. Beware that it’s cult like and there’s a lot of religious talking but it’s the most popular group, if you find something similar without the religious crap, go for that.

Drawing

You may draw about the stuff you think. You do not focus on the thought primarily. It just gives a different angle to the topic.

First accept that there is no returning to how things were before the mistake. This is key to moving on.

Then, if your mistake hurt others, apologise to them. Don’t expect forgiveness, remember there is no going back to how things were. Just know you have done what you could to make things right.

Now reflect on the impact it had on your life and what you can do about it, and by this I do not mean what happened, I mean how it affected you: failef an exam? The solution might not be to retake the exam.

Finally understand that it is now behind you, and focus on how not to repeat it in the future, and what you can do to mitigate the impact it had on you or others.

Turn and burn baby!

Don’t kill the present moment by thinking about the past.

Follow the 3 D’s:

1. Deny
2. Downplay
3. Deflect

Doing these things is not easy and may take some practice on your part, but for me it boils down to the following process:

• be honest with yourself and others, and own up to it, don’t try to pretend it was somebody else’s fault. Apologise to those impacted if you need to.

• figure out what you can learn from it - not necessarily the specific details of this mistake but what you can do next time in similar circumstances to avoid making the same sort of error.

• stop wishing for a better past - it won’t happen, so move on.

like everyone is saying, you have to frame it differently. what works for me is “you either win or learn”. there’s no such thing as losing when you are smart enough to know what you did wrong so you don’t fail again.

this took months for me to finally grasp and i feel much better for it

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Unless you’re a sociopath, nobody gets up in the morning intending to screw up. But we all do. Because we’re human. We’re not perfect. We fuck up.

So stop being so hard on yourself. On any given Thursday, you’re doing the very best you can. Shit happens. Move on. Forgive others when they hurt you just like they forgive you. Forgive yourself. Because nobody’s perfect. You’re doing the best you can.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

I listen to the Sunscreen Song when I’m wrestling with things like this. The quote from it that applies here I think would be

“Don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance… So are everybody else’s”