I often answer the question, but only a sentence or two. Then I ask what’s up with them.
We should follow the Lithuanian form of greeting your coworkers: walk into the room without making eye-contact and sit impassively at your desk.
If anyone tries to convince you that the day is “good”, nod gruffly.
As a foreigner to the US, not understanding their etiquette. I always trauma dump and break down in tears when the cashier asks: “Hi, how are you today?”
For me, I find this happens:
“Hi, did you find everything ok?”
“Good”.
I usually just updog.
“Thank you, come again!”
“You too!”
🤮
Good. That’ll teach them not to ask such deep questions of a stranger. If they want to get all personal with someone who doesn’t know them, they should face consequences.
And this is why I never ask those types of questions to be polite. If I ask how you’re doing I actually really do want to know. I deliberately make that distinction.
Sameisch here, but we don’t talk much if i don’t want to know how you are doing.
Speaking from a US cultural standpoint, most people don’t do this though. Because of this if someone asks “how are you doing?,” there is a script that runs in my brain that just translates it to mean “Hello.”
There’s nothing more soul crushing than showing emotional vulnerability and then promptly being told you’re a burden and have misinterpreted abstract social signals. Always better to just…not 🤷
I, on the other hand make it a point to brutality answer the intended question for shock and awe value in the hopes people stop being so stupid asking those questions. It’s always fun seeing people panic and thinking where they can go hide to stop hearing about all the uncomfortable stuff I’m telling.
Yeah, I couldn’t stand it during my short stay in Atlanta, that everyone was just using “how are you?” instead of a simple “hello”, and then were getting pissed, when I actually talked about how I felt
How are you bro?
Thanks for asking.
My cats health is my main concern. He is only skin and bones anymore, and tried so many different things, but can’t find a food, that won’t lead to puking, when either he eats enthusiastically for once and then pukes the next day, or he doesn’t and gets sick because of his gastritis.
This is now going on for over 9 months. All vets are out of ideas and I have started to drift into depression and couldn’t really work anymore - which is shit, because my company is running out of money now and I can’t pay myself from time to time. But that doesn’t concern me as much, as the hardship my little buddy needs to go through.
He is a fighter though, and as long as he doesn’t give up and still comes to us to snuggle and is happy, there is no way I’ll put him down.
By now we’re at least prepared for that and talked with the vet, so we can sedate him at home and then bring him to the vet to finalize it.Was a really hard year altogether, with cancer popping up and relationships ending in my family - and I’ve heard that a very good school friend of mine, where we lost contact, is pretty much in the last stage of cancer as well and seems to lose the fight.
At least my wife still loves me and somehow still tolerates me, although I always isolate myself, when I’m getting depressed, and that has taken a toll in our relationship. But I do know, that we’re able to work our way out of it, as we’ve gone through worse and decided to stick together no matter what.
So, all in all, like a cascade of shit and I try not to drown in it.
I’m currently in a better state than 2-3 months ago - and my cat the same. So I try to slowly get a grip on things again and get my shit together.
But it’s quite exhausting and I only manage to resolve one thing after another. And some relapses in behaviour hurt that much more, because I know how time and energy consuming it is to get back out of it.Hard to see the positive things, when everything goes to shit.
And looking at the worldwide and local political developments…I just don’t understand how we can ignore global problems, like climate change and (plastic) pollution, but then put so much energy into attacking minorities…Thanks again for asking.
It sometimes is nice to just vent a bit :-)deleted by creator
Man that’s all super cool. Sounds like you’re having a rough time of it - but as with most things, “this too shall pass”.
That said, if you’ve taken the time to answer me, then I’m not going to handwave your issues away with a soundbite. Looking inwards is a tough skill, and I don’t want anyone to feel that nobody’s listening. Your cat for example, I was never a pet person until I started keeping rodents. I used to look at things from a purely financial point of view, where if the cost of treatment was greater than the value of the cat, then it was goodnight time. Now, having had pets large and small, my view on it has changed. I’d have fought the fuckin’ world for my £12 hamster on his last days, but I was fortunate to have had the hamster make the decision for me.
If the vets have run out of ideas, then that sucks. Vets are some of the most compassionate people I know (not that my contact list is awash with them), but I’d trust them if they’re shrugging their shoulders. I hope the cat comes round though, and if it doesn’t, then you give it the best fuckin’ time it has left.
Self employment is a tough one. Firstly, congrats on running your own business - that takes balls and a lot of personal and professional management skills. I’ve run a small area of a business before and it made my head spin. It was almost a breath of fresh air when I handed it on to someone else and went back to salaried employment, like a massive weight off my shoulders. Sure, you get to ride the waves of the good times and high demand… but the tough times are even tougher without a guaranteed income. I understand bro. I hope it picks up for you.
As for your mental health, stay on your feet and look beyond what’s happening now. Everyone’s depression is different and I’m not going to insult you by giving you a cookie cutter answer. I’m wary of adding to your workload too, but I’ve found running or swimming to give me the time to think about shit and get my head in order while doing some good to myself; going out for a coffee and people watching from a place with a nice view, to put my own issues into perspective and try and manage them in terms of scale; or even taking on a short course in something random like a language, crochet, or soldering - something to give you a random distraction each week.
Either way, I’m thrilled that you’re here and that you’re speaking. I hope you and your cat find a path into tomorrow, then next week, then next month, and beyond. I’m happy you talked about yourself, which is something we as a collective don’t often do - so that’s awesome of you.
Take care, and I wish you the best dude.
Thank you very much for that personal answer!
I was kinda afraid people would come back with the typical life lesson bullshit, on how I can turn everything around.
Your answer was really unexpected and I very much appreciate it :-)
I know, that I’ll survive that time and my cat is doing his best as well.
Sadly not much more that I can do for him, but try to find the right food and juggle the additives, so he is able to eat a bit.
But he mostly isn’t complaining and happily jumps on the couch to us to cuddle. And as long as he shows us this happiness, we will fight on - together.Thank you very much again!
welp our country is imploding
You can answer honestly but it’s a greeting, not an invitation to take over the whole conversation to talk about yourself.
Them: “How are you doing”
You: “Pretty bad to be honest, but I’m hanging in there”
And from there you either get:
Them: “I’m sorry to hear that I hope it gets better”
You: “Thanks”
Them: “So I wanted to ask about your TPS reports…”
Or :
Them: “Oh no, what’s going on?”
You: “Well I’m having a lot of mental health issues…”
It’s more of a British thing, but “alright mate?” is used as a greeting. If someone takes it literally and tells me how they are, then that’s super cool, because it just saves me asking my second question.
That said, on the few occasions I’ve visited the US, I’ve greeted someone with an “alright dude” and they’ve looked at me a bit puzzled like “…yes?” which is cool too.
? American’s aren’t expecting a literal response, it’s a greeting here as well. I think you misread the speaker, or more likely, they misread you. Maybe they thought Brits would take it as a literal question?
I don’t know what your talking about, I live in the most American part of America (That being Texas of course) and we use “How ya’ doin’. All right” all the time.
“How you doing” and “appreciate you” are different though than someone straight out asking “you okay?”
Some times it can sound like you are somehow presenting that you are not ok and can throw you off.
I actually think it might have more to do with the phrasing. I’m very used to “hey how are you doing” or “you okay?” and the likes.
The important part is that I, and I think most Americans, are used to hearing it as a passive question, with the way your feeling being the last part of the statement.
Hearing “alright dude” randomly would leave me absolutely stumped because even if you have a questioning inflection in your voice, that word combination means “you just did/said something that warranted a sarcastic affirmation” to me
Def sounds like context. If someone lobs a “you okay”? I take more concern but I can dig it. Different strokes for dif folks
Ah yes, I had forgotten the basics of the internet here! You’re absolutely right, inflections matter - and that’s absolutely what’s probably causing the confusion.
I generally greet with an upward inflection, generally found in questions and essential in most Latin languages.
It does throw people. Generally resolved with a bit of friendly politeness and writing it off to the accent.
