I’d be Cables Don’t Tangle Man.
Never Only One Sock Woman!
You become two-sock man!
Can milk anything
So basically being markiplier?
I’ve got nipples, can you milk me?
We can certainly try
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Superpower, but not that great or useful.
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Finish a task without getting distracted after five minutes man.
I’d love to be able to finish a task witho-
Man that coffee pot is gross, better go clean it.
I too have ADHD.
I am the current incarnation of the-timer’s-about-to-go-off man: every time there’s a timer I’m physically uncomfortable in the seconds right before the notification beeps begin. “It should be done by now” I’ll say, just before the oven timer sounds, or the dryer plays its jingle.
Yesterday I took the dog for a walk around another store while my wife did the grocery shop, but I forgot my phone at home. Sure enough, I got the familiar itch between the shoulder blades and the dread “she’s probably done by now” and had to excuse the pup and I from the group of people giving him scritches. We all reached the car at the same time.
To be able to put together the perfect response for any interaction I ever have man
This one might be A-tier.
“always knows the right action” is a S tier power in the superhero book “Worm.”
It basically meant the person could accomplish any goal, even if it took 1000 actions.
A Tier? AAA ranging on Universe Killer Tier. The perfect response becomes the perfect negotiator, the perfect social infiltrator, the master manipulator. He casually gets free coffee, he cajoles his way through national secrets, he convinces his landlord that the concept of income through scarce resource stockpiling is immoral and that they should see the property as a shared commodity. Genius
Direction in a crowd man
According to some, I have one! Perfectly-folded-fitted-sheets woman. Ultimately pretty meaningless, but satisfying nonetheless.
swoon Marry me
Any such marriage would fold in no time!
I already have mine, and it frustrates my wife no end. I’m Always Finds a Parking Spot Right Near Where We’re Going Man, but only if I’m the one driving. When she’s driving we end up on the wrong side of the parking lot.
I’ve got a friend like that, we like to joke that she sold her soul to the devil for perfect parking in San Francisco.
Haha I used to know a guy with a similar ability.
Then my family started praying to this person in the car whenever we were struggling to find a parking spot haha
Then my family started praying to this person in the car
Jesus, take the wheel
Being able to fall asleep and wake up exactly when I want to without an alarm man.
That’d be an S+ tier power for me.
You guys have alarm mans? That sounds cool
It’s Serj Tankian from SOAD singing Chop Suey.
Before alarm clocks were easily available there used to be ‘knocker uppers’. They’d come tap on your window with a long stick to wake you up.
That term can mean something very different
I would like to subscribe to your Historical Trivia newsletter.
“Sir? Sir! It is well past time for you to begin your day. Yes, sir, I am well aware work, as you put it ‘sucks ass’, but never the less, it is time to rise and shine. I will be back tomorrow at the same time.”
“very good sir, I shall remind you in 9 minutes”
Fully rested.
No no, the title says b-tier superpower
This is not B-tier. This is A+tier.
B being secondary with A as the highest or tertiary with S as the highest?
If the former, I’ll be Doesn’t Overthink Everything Man
If the latter, I’ll go with Correct Orientation of USB drives and Cables on First Try Man
I too would choose quantum superpositioning USB powers
Those things just don’t make sense. How is it that they require being turned three times to fit?
Obviously the latter.
We’re long passed the point of A being primo.
I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.
But that’s my “me” time…
You can still hang out or whatever your thing is.
Your super hero name is now “Number Two”
B-side Man
I can talk to god, but god’s an unhelpful asshole.
How does this differ from prayer?
God doesn’t respond to prayers.
he would reply to Op by t-posing him and spitting into his face to assert dominance.
Aren’t superpowers supposed to be a net positive, though? This sounds worse all around. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, no judgement here.
I was thinking god would respond, but say things like, “Well there’s a reason they call it the ineffable plan,” or “Ugh, this is just like the time I let those humans into my garden. I’ve never heard the end of it,” while I’m trying to solve a crime or something, and I have to try to figure information from the gripes, passive aggressive comments, and opaque metaphors.
So, like God in SMBC?
I can talk to plants so they can tell me how terrible I am as a caretaker.
I mean that sounds like a curse. Endless screaming. Where others may see a cute bunny munching on some grass, or a bee buzzing around a flower, all you will hear are shrieks of pain and abject terror.
You’re absolutely right. How do you prune? Weed? What horrors when the neighbor mows her lawn!
I’d imagine the sounds of a plant being pollinated would rather be moans of pleasure.
i’ve always thought that if plants could talk they’d be unflinching hedonists who just shrug when harmed and will not hesitate to invite ANYTHING to have a fun time with them.
“ohhh yeah baby eat my fruit! spit the seeds out!”
cut to human freezing in the middle of taking a bite, staring in horror at the apple tree“And he brought me into a vast farmland of our own Midwest And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil One thousand, nay, a million voices full of fear And terror possessed me then And I begged, “Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?” And the angel said unto me “These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard Tomorrow is harvest day and to them, it is the Holocaust” And I sprang from my slumber, drenched in sweat Like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared “Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!””
Disgustipated - Tool
I would still chose this; can’t figure out what’s wrong with my dahlias.
That button in the lift that closes the doors? I can press it with the power of my mind.
