Parents who shout at their children or call them “stupid” are leaving their offspring at greater risk of self-harm, drug use and ending up in jail, new research claims.
Talking harshly to children should be recognised as a form of abuse because of the huge damage it does, experts say.
The authors of a new study into such behaviour say “adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse … is characterised by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats”.
“These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognised and forensically established subtypes of mistreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse,” the academics say in their paper in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect.
Read the title as “shooting” and thought “another American post…”
Me too! I was like “Did we expect the kid to just shrug off the bullets?”
Are we just now putting this together?
can be!? LOL my mother did all three, yelled, beat and psychologically ran me into corners and up walls. Hahahaha
Can
You guys hearing this? Can be damaging L O L
😢
Maybe shouting at children all the time until they leave home is about the same as them getting sexually abused once.
But they aren’t equivalent in the slightest when compared in the same quantities.
yea if my dad only yelled and never hit me
well i wouldnt like hitting people idk
but seriously Any communication is better than cell phone babies
i wish dad yelled at me be a better man every day
he never calls now
Just last night i went out to help my dad change a flat and it brought up so much shit from him yelling at me over everything when I was a kid. That was 30 years ago and he wasn’t even yelling at me this time just pissed off at the situation.
This crap definitely sticks with you.
Removed by mod
deleted by creator
Wait…
No wonder I’m so fucked up.
I want a big colorful name! How you do dat!?!
Unicode and emojis in the “display name” field.
Nothing personal against you, it’s certainly my failing, but when I see a username like yours, my mind just goes “stuff” and thinks of you that way.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
Go look up “1 in 4.” It’s related to women specifically but it’s truly eye opening to how prevalent sexual assault is.
Child sexual abuse is more than just rape by an adult. But many people only consider this form of sexual abuse and that’s why they think the number is high.
But child sexual abuse also includes fondling, exhibition, kissing, forced nudity, etc. Basically anything that leads to sexual gratification. And it also includes if these things are done by older children. I think if the age difference is greater than 2 years it’s considered csa even if it was done with “consent” aka it’s assumed the power/authority difference doesn’t allow for consent to exist. Which seems like a fair assessment.
If you take all of that into consideration, the number is totally plausible.
Every woman I’ve dated was sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. Most of them in childhood.
Which puts my anecdotal accounting at close to 80%. With myself and the girlfriend raped as an adult the two outliers.
what the fuck
And just about every single one was a family member. My ex-wife it was the neighbor kid. But outside of that all immediate family or in one instance, a cousin.
Half of all women, my dude. Statistics don’t lie (though even that is probably under-reported)…
Every woman I’ve dated was sexually assaulted at some point in their lives.
There’s an interpretation here that doesn’t sound very good for you.
People can interpret it how they want and I was aware people would read into it. People read into everything though.
My interpretation is that growing up in an abusive environment I resonated with other damaged people and that me identifying with protecting my mom from my abusive dad rather than trying to be like my dad, helped other damaged people feel safe around me (generally, when I wasn’t having a meltdown from my own trauma anyway).
And since my first girlfriend had nightmares from her abuse I learned young to be supportive of people with sexual trauma.
Ya I doubt that one too… if it was 25% there would be a lot more people in prison.
There’s this short series on Netflix called Unbelievable. I recommend every single person watch it, but especially anyone who wants / needs to know exactly what it’s like to try to report sexual abuse to the police. It’s dramatized but it’s based on a true story of an 18 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by someone who broke into her apartment in the middle of the night. From the minute she reported it she was treated like a criminal. She was interrogated by cops who criticized her from the second they sat down. She ended up being charged and convicted of making false police reports. She was in some kind of group home at the time. She got in trouble, lost her friends, home, supports, and job. Several years later, the suspect assaulted another woman and was finally caught. I can’t imagine the relief and vindication she must have felt. Except that the cops literally allowed the suspect to assault at least one more person before doing anything about it. It’s a good thing it happened in another state because if it had happened in the same place they probably would have just arrested the second victim too.
But the depiction in the show is true to life. It’s for everyone who has ever said “well if it actually happened then why didn’t they just call the cops?”
The majority of sexual abuse is by people known to the victim and much of it goes unreported.
tell that to all the unprocessed rape kits laying around in evidence
The amount of girls who are sexually abused is astounding. Honestly haven gotten my daughters to 12 and almost 14 without ever having had to experience this (unless they’ve misled us which I do not believe they would) is among my most proud accomplishments as a parent.
One benefit of shouting at your kids and generally dismissing their emotions is that you can enjoy your retirement without them anywhere near you and die alone.
Well that’s one way to get them to move out on their own I guess
Hi mom!
and you won’t understand how your action created the circumstance you’re in and you’ll complain to everyone about it.
I see you’ve spoken to my in-laws.
Man this makes me glad that i have good parents
Any yelling beyond “don’t do that thing that is imminently dangerous” can often just be parents taking out their stress on their kid. That’s kind of how it felt whenever my dad yelled at me. It was never something that seemed sensible to yell about.
ragers
I really hate the idea of parents. Like two people raise you and are responsible for you? Reading Brave New World as a kid, it took me until the very end to understand it as dystopian. I thought the idea of your parents being barely a part of the equation, just absent minded and high all the time? Great. Trusting school to raise you entirely using weird subliminal studying methods was actually an improvement. It is dystopian, but yeah I basically think this idea of an atomic family unit to be the most bizarre and selfish, anti-social bullshit. My parents didn’t let me know my relatives, were able to choose who I was friends with, where I was able to go. And all the while I’m reliant on them to not be kidnapped or hate crimed and to support my goals rather than force me to sit at home. The abuse just continues on and on. I will never be okay, I can only hope to make some cool art before I die. But that start of life decides for you whether you will be important or not.
Childhood is basically an Achilles heel for every single libertarian concept, and one which authoritarians exploit every single time. Until every single human is born with complete knowledge and faculty, this weakness will always prevent full individualistic freedom.
hugs
It’s terribly lonely, isn’t it? And so hard to explain to other people.
I remember when I was allowed to go to school (kindergarten). I was so excited to finally have friends and thought everyone was automatically my friend. That’s how it worked on TV, all the kids were friends with each other on the tv shows. Turns out that’s not how it works, and everyone had friends already from preschool. I was a permanent outsider from that point on, bullied. Struggled to make friends. When I finally did, we moved.
Nobody cared if I was lonely, only if my grades were good (and they were perfect), and the floors were mopped and the knickknacks were dusted weekly. Anything less was an hour long screaming session.
Nobody understands why I don’t want children. How do you raise children without a family?
I can only hope to make some cool art before I die
That, friend, is more than most people could hope to dream of. And I don’t mean that in the “poor kid in Rwanda” way. Let the wound do the talking there’s medicine there, not just for you.
This is horrible to do, but I feel like this really downplays physical/sexual abuse.
It doesn’t, really. I experienced psychological and sexual abuse as a child (but not physical). Both were equally bad. I had a good friend who got physical and emotional abuse, but not sexual. She said she preferred being hit by her father over the psychological shit she got from her mother, because it didn’t last as long or hurt as much.
All three are equally bad in the long term.
How so? If the result is similar they are just different roots to the same outcome.
The main difference is that the resilience, or the ability of a child to cope with the abuse, may vary greatly between physical abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse (like what the article is talking about). So a single sexual abuse is much more likley to cause Trauma, then beeing yelled at once. But beeing yelled at for years? Beeing told that you are wortheles repeatedly? That is likley to cause a lot of harm, especially because it plants a sense of “not beeing good enoth” in you that can take a lot of work to overcome once grown up.
There is no need to rank diffent kinds of abuse against each other. We need to see them as equaly harmful for children and not trivialice them.
Not just yelling at kids, just being in a house where people are verbally abusive can fuck a person up, if my parents were not yelling at each other they were yelling at one of us kids. to the day 30 some odd years later just being around someone who is pissed off triggers my anxiety.
i really feel that about being around someone who is pissed off. i also get little adrenaline rushes whenever anyone shuts a door forcefully
I also get adrenaline rushes and instinctively angry when loud noises that can be avoided, happen.
I have also developed (without going for it) some very good stealth skills and I am not an especially tiny person.
I also grew up with a fairly short temper, though I wonder if it’s genetics or the upbringing. Learned over time I can control it, but the berserker rage is still there.
