I’m letting people who hurt me in the past live rent free in my mind.
One episode involves a former landlord that tried to run me over in an intersection with no traffic cameras.
Another one involves a manager that fired me for informing that one of his favorites yelled during night shift and ignored alarms to talk. He fired me the next day, used the exit interview to tell me everything I didn’t do right (but kept quiet about his favorites, even though I did the job like them), still had the utmost confidence on his favorites, accused me of being lazy and instead of simply firing me and keeping neutral he chose to take it personal, proceeded to try to scare me insinuating I wouldn’t work for his system again, when that failed, tried to humiliate me and then fired me. This was in an non union hospital.
When I think about it I get angry. Id like not to be so thin skinned, but here I am.
Personally I imagine what shitty unforfilling lives they must have to be the way they are. Then I aim to outlive them. Outlive them life span wise, in happiness, in forfillment, goals, and everything!
I try to remember they can’t act that way towards everyone without it biting them in the ass eventually. Not to mention, people like that tend to be miserable already by nature. If they’re not in your life anymore the best thing to do is celebrate that fact every time you think of them.
There was a guy who threatened my life a few times though. Only guy I still truly hate after many years. I know he’s worse off than me now and it feels good. I wish I had a high road perspective to offer there but that just ain’t me
After a while I just got tired of being angry, so I said fuck it. My issues stemmed from family not work.
For career and work, I Do Not Give A Fuck anymore.
“Write me up, I’ll sign it”
“That’ll show me”
“I was looking for a job when I found this one”
And finally my favorite, “Don’t care, not my job”. Fuck getting upset about anything other than being used and/or abused. If that happens, I leave. Life’s just too damn fragile and too damn short. If you want to fight back, then you better have documentation and proof.
yoga
distance running
weightlifting
skydiving
stuff like that. I kid you not, it will make all the bullshit everyone has ever done to you, melt away because you are better and awesomer than any of their bullshit.
And you can also file legal proceedings against them to sue their asses for destroying your life.
Do you have any suggestions for people that hates physical exertion and never will risk skydiving?
Sure. Take the Stephen Hawking approach. No one ever seemed to bother him.
Drugs
Write a long thorough letter that you don’t send. It worked for me with a friend who was awful to me for a year. Beauty think about him anymore.
From “Verissimus”, a comic about the Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius: https://imgur.com/a/FlvGJGT
There is a section about the Greek philosopher, Epictetus’, teachings about anger. My favorite two are “Being unlike your enemies is the best form of revenge,” and “Goodwill is a virtue, the opposite of revenge, the desire to help rather than harm our fellow man. So replace your anger with its antidote: kindness.”
Those are pretty awesome! Thanks, I think I can get a lot of benefit from them.
Although I am an atheist, if I am wrong, I am fairly certain they are going to hell.
I got revenge for them having fucked with me. Unfortunately, once I calmed down I realized that as a result of my actions I had burned a bridge that in retrospect, I’d have rather not burned.
So now I try to think really hard about whether someone deserves the way I treat them.
What instance if needing a burned bridge to be intact can you describe?
An ex was going out of their way to humiliate me, presumably because they were hurting. I revealed one of their secrets and effectively ruined their social life. Years later after going through shitloads of therapy I realized that despite what they did to me, I still wanted to be friends with them. Unfortunately, due to my actions they no longer want to be friends with me.
Years later after going through shitloads of therapy I realized that despite what they did to me, I still wanted to be friends with them.
Was the therapist religious? That sounds too much like “the other cheek” to me…
I think they are? But I am extremely anti-religion so we haven’t discussed it much.
I came to that conclusion on my own though. Our breakup was bad enough to get me diagnosed with PTSD, so I tended to think about her a lot, and come up with my own ideas which i run by my therapist to make sure they’re not monumentally stupid.
I don’t believe in heaven but I need to believe in hell. - Anon
It’s not easy but all you’re doing by dwelling on it is giving them more opportunities to hurt you. Learn to talk yourself down when it starts taking over your head space.
Be active. Do something like exercise or find a hobby to distract yourself from the pain or bad memories. And yes, people say this one all the time, but it’s true.
Revenge usually does the trick.
Experience all the emotions dude
You’re allowed to let those emotions flow through you. Yell and hit something inanimate if your mad. Cry if your sad. Let those thoughts come. And then let those emotions go
All those bad times were lessons you had to learn one way or another. Those lessons should hopefully help you never make those same mistakes or hang around those types of people. Life teaches the hard way unfortunately
But yeah, I used to repress my emotions cause that’s what a big football player is supposed to do. I had to be a rock and no matter what just bottle it all up. But I’ve been able to be a better rock for others by letting myself cry it out when I need to.
Lastly, I wouldn’t say I forgave all those who have wronged me. Nor have I forgotten. But I guess it’s like a really good song I just heard. The first dozen or so times I listen to it I’m completely focused and the song just sounds diffrent cause it’s fresh in my mind or whatever. But then I let the song play a bunch, maybe even twice in a row here and there cause I’m so focused on it. But then one day the song just isn’t a good for some reason. It’s kinda like that but with shitty situations.
Idk I’m not a therapist lol
I had to do cognitive behavioral therapy to defeat cycles much like that. Fortunately, if you’re not in a position to have a professional help you with that, it can be self practiced. The biggest take away is allowing yourself time to process it, so it doesn’t occupy your mind when you’re trying to do something important like driving or sleeping. Write out the angry thoughts and reflect on them, why its impractical and how you’re putting yourself at risk for little to no gain. Match each negative thought with something positive if you can help it. Sure this person fucked you over, but you got to play a cool game with a buddy. They don’t need to be connected but try to force yourself to spend equal or greater time on good experiences as much as your mind is trying to drag you into the gutters. Regret is one of the more powerful emotions you’ll experience and you don’t need to cause yourself unnecessary burdens. If you feel you’re a risk to yourself or others, please seek out professional help. This isn’t medical advice, just myself reflecting on my own experiences. I’m told this service is pretty decent. https://www.betterhelp.com/
Being hurt doesn’t make me angry, it makes me hurt. I really only get angry about things in the future, not things in the past. Sorry that’s not helpful to you.
