I AM THE NIGHT

It cuts into the one part of the day i have to myselff

Video games.

23:00 - “One last then I turn it off”

01:45 - “Shit”

the factory must grow

Adhd

I don’t want to die.

What if I die in my sleep.

What if the house catches fire and I can’t escape in time because I was asleep.

There are so many other things I could be doing.

I don’t have enough life left.

What if I miss something important or cool.

What if there’s a burglar when I’m asleep and it goes south and they murder me.

What if I have an aneurysm in my sleep.

What if I have a stroke in my sleep.

What if I have a heart attack in my sleep.

What if there’s a gas leak and the house explodes while I’m asleep.

What if there’s a CO leak and I just asphyxiate.

What if I just never wake up for no discernible reason.

I wanna play more video games.

I wanna browse the internet more.

I don’t want to have the bad thoughts come back like they always do when I try to sleep.

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Hyperfixation on random topics. The other day I was so invested in the history of mobile phones that I stayed up until 2:30am by accident while researching useless info.

My gf always wants to “stay up late” but usually ends up falling asleep first.

The fact that I’d just stare at the ceiling till at least 23:00 EVEN THOUGH I WAKE UP AT 4:00 just to be tired the whole day as usual until the sudden energy boost around 18:00.

What’s the point of school starting at 7am?
The first class looks like this: Students sleeping on tables, teachers trying to not do the same, the only active group of people is the line at the coffee vending machine.
And the productivity remains greatly reduced for rest of the day.

1½ years ago it used to be 7:50. Apparently too late.
Meanwhile I recently seen a study that even 8:30 might be too early, and giving a new recommendation of 10am.

But it could be worse. I’ve heard from someone on Reddit that they start at 6am. What the fuck…

Currently? Back pain.

But in general my brain is dumb and does some dumb stuff.

The other night I wanted a nice cup of earl grey lavender tea to help me relax because I couldn’t fall asleep. Problem being was we had ran out of loose leaf tea bags. I dug out the small box of tea strainers we have collected over the year only to find out one hadn’t been properly cleaned and was slightly moldy. Others were surface rusted or tarnished.

My sleep deprived brain decided that the best decision was to pull out the dental picks, dremel tool, and other cleaning picks to get these tea strainers in tip top shape.

This is how my wife found me sitting on a bar stool hunched over the kitchen sink deep cleaning tea strainers at 3:30 in the morning.

Late evening is the time where my mind works best.

Sleep procrastination.

The night is beautiful - I wanna look at it, not sleep through it!
There’s a 30 minutes of waiting after eating supper before I brush my teeth and go to bed.

because it skips to a time where I have a new day’s worth of responsibilities which sucks.