I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.
So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.
Edit: I am single btw.
Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.
It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.
To be fair, it would be unprofessional and in poor taste for the instructor to advance on a student/client.
Play Baldurs Gate 3 and crush hard on your companions.
Shit your pants during dance class. All possibility is dead.
People have weird fetishes my man
(ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง
Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.
Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you’re explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it’s course.
And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they’re just a friend again.
Holy shit, you’re a mad genius! Definitely gonna try this! thanks!
I heard that your instructor uses windows (🤢)
How else would they get fresh air in their room?
This made me sad to the core. What’s the point of life
This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it’d be going back to an ex or something.
Meet new people
Imagine her picking her nose and eating the booger. Next, imagine her taking a huge stinky steaming dump. Disclaimer: only works if you’re not German.
Or Cartman’s mother.
In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
I had a crush and had this like, a of who they might be.
Got to know them more and more, and… they’re exactly the person my imagination fabricated.
Anyway, we’re married and shit now. I wish the same for every person with a crush.
I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
That’s pretty damn well put.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.
Isn’t getting to know someone better the exact same path you would take if you like them too?
I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway
Run. It will likely not end well
I saw your post the other day and didn’t have anything constructive to add (my instinct was to say ‘just see where it goes, but don’t force it to be romantic’, but I know so little about the situation that it’s hollow advice), but I came across this article in the NY Times that might speak to your situation. It talks about limerence, which is a new word for me. I say might, because it might not be what you’re feeling, but it’s worth a read regardless, and the tips on how to overcome it in the article seem useful (and have backing by different researchers, so they’re bound to have more material on the subject that would be potentially related to what you’re going through).
Gift link so no paywall: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/27/style/limerence-addiction-love-crush.html?unlocked_article_code=1.RU0.qcHQ.OMOM2nOkSCqy&smid=url-share
From my own experience: cut all contact with that person… which may not be viable in your situation.
I had a crush on a girl when I was 14, still do, It’s been 10 years. Havent seen her or talked to her for 8. Can a hypnotist or someone help.
Its not a deep crush now, but I still think about her OFTEN and am not at all over it.
Edit: jeez i wonder what it’d be like to be on the recieving end of that lol.
Yeah, I’ve found that learned anxiety that my brain has around crushes from my past is one thing time does not heal.
I find my crushes go away on their own after about a week. Your mileage may vary.
Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:
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Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.
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She tells you she doesn’t feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.
Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward.
Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.
OR
Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
But this just makes it worse. Cause you’re probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I’m just gonna go find a new instructor.
Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren’t showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.
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Your feelings are yours, personally I’d just wallow in it and feel it and do absolutely nothing about it, you don’t need to tell her, a crush is by definition sort of a fantasy thing. It’s not her, it’s some dream person you’ve attached to her. But I’m old so have been through this more times. It gets easier and then it gets fun.
One thing that has always helped me stop thinking a crush is when I’ve gotten another crush. I’m not sure this helps you much though lmao
