The Hobbit. Probably not the worst movies with not the worst bastardisation (that’d be The Dark Tower for me), but I simply can’t wrap my mind around the overbloated monstrosity that the Hobbit TRILOGY is. Like why would anyone do this, it felt like it’s in the bag, they got Peter Jackson, they already made LotR to great success, why do we suddenly need wacky wheels with cartoon CG goblins in 48 FPS for some reason… It doesn’t even match neither the tone of the book nor the tone of LotR movies.
In defense of The Dark Tower… it isn’t an adaptation of the books. It’s a sequel. It continues the story in a way in which Roland finally breaks the loop.
Have you seen the early 90s Finnish Hobbit?
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Well of course I have! I put it on my Plex server, lol.
peter Jackson was dragged in kicking and screaming years after preproduction started. it was destined to be a studio driven mess from the start
If you watch the behind the scenes stuff it honestly is pretty impressive how competent the movies ended up being. Yes, they are terrible, but they could have been a lot worse. Peter Jackson made them watchable, at least.
Warner Bros didn’t want to make the Hobbit. They wanted to make another Lord of the Rings movie, and had to use the Hobbit for it. The Hobbit is very much NOT a Lord of the Rings story, despite the shared setting. Square book, round movie.
Also, they knew there wasn’t enough content, but Warner Bros had to split the profits of the first movie five ways. They didn’t have to do that for the second movie, and then they added a third to squeeze out even more.
See, I think the high frame rate would look great if what you were looking at was real. But what you’re looking at is a room of actors in nylon beards and Martin Freeman in rubber feet.
And where did the spare barrel come from?
Spare barrel? Bear in mind I have only actually seen the first of the Hobbit trilogy, and then later I watched the Tolkien Supercut, that cut out anything not at least alluded to in the book.
I think it’s in the second one. It’s hard to be sure when you’re vaguely remembering a 300 page children’s book inexplicably squeezed into three movies.
It’s the much hated GoPro barrel ride bit. All the dwarves have a barrel, there are no spares, Tim from The Office has to hang onto the side of one. The fat dwarf breaks his, and then after bouncing around like prequel Yoda, jumps into a spare that comes from nowhere.
I would think the version you saw just shows them all going into the water and coming out at the other end. It’s been a long time since I read it (close to 30 years), but I don’t remember any massive river battle going on.
The hobbit movies should have fleshed out the dwarf characters better with all that extra time, give each of them a substory spread out over the trilogy so they would be more memorable. They did that with only one of the dwarves and it’s a silly love triangle that barely goes into the character of said dwarf. With the movie we got, ask any average person directly after seeing the movies to name the dwarves, i bet hardly anyone can.
Grumpy, Doc, Sneezy, I definitely forget the rest though.
IIRC the crushing of the Actors Union in NZ is what sidelined the dwarves.
Not only does the love triangle not make sense, but it really only serves to erode the significance of friendship of Legolas and Gimli. They were supposed to be first friendship between an Elf and dwarf in a long time
Full CGI ruined the hobbit for me. The costume and make up work was so good in LotR. That and the whole movie operated as if in a physics-free zone. Nothing made sense.
I never watched the other two, I imagine they are just as bad.
They lost me at what they did to my boy Radagast.
Those didn’t happen. Go back to the animated movies.
The 1970s animated The Hobbit is a good adaptation, also the Tolkien Supercut version of the live action movie is watchable.
Easily “World War Z.” What an utter waste of the source material.
It’s not even a bad movie. But it’s only very tangentially related to the source material.
Yeah I thought that too. I saw the movie before I’d read the book and I was like “that was fine, I dunno what everyone’s fussing about.” Then I read the book and was like “…oh.”
It’d be great to see the book done properly. I know everyone says it but a multi-part HBO-type show would be amazing.
would love to see it done as a mockumentary mini series, like it already has the format built in!
It’s a wonderfully stupid movie.
The plot is nonsense, everything is forgettable, and I’ve easily watched it a dozen times both because of, and in spite of, all that.
Related in name only. I loved the book and got curious about the movie.
What a boring useless mess of tropes. Brad Pitt travels the world and saves everyone. There, I just saved you 90 minutes.
The Lost World. The movie is nothing like the book.
The Cat in the Hat.
Vampire$ -> John Carpenter’s Vampires
I hate to admit it but it’s actually worse an adaptation than the Starship Troopers “adaptation.” Although admittedly I do like the JCV movie. I used to like Starship Troopers until I found out the director made a mockery of Heinlein on purpose because Verhooven is a jackass. Did you even read the book?
Anyway.
As I understand it there actually is a reason for this. Basically, a studio ends up with the rights to an IP, and they sit on it because they suck at the one thing they’re supposed to be good at. Then along comes somebody with a project idea, and the studio goes, oh that’s similar to something we already have in the pipe. Then they steal that idea, tweak the script to include at least one or two elements from the IP, claimants an original work and they don’t have to pay the original screenwriter, and churn out something that may or may not be any good, but is nothing like the IP, thus potentially making significant profits for the executives at the meager cost of pissing off the original IPs core fan base.
So here me out.
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A story by Harlan Ellison.
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Adapted to screen by Frank Miller.
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Directed by Paul Verhooven.
This way it can be assholes all the way down.
Someone fetch me a proctoscope so I can watch this!
I have no butt yet I must shit
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Oh, another one I just thought of - How to Train Your Dragon.
The movies are fine, but they are so completely different from the books in almost every respect that it’s barely worth giving them the same name.
The books are absolutely brilliant, especially the further you get into them. Would love to see them developed as a TV series that stuck to the style and messages of the books. Would likely need about 10 seasons though!
Isn’t there literally a TV series for it? I could have sworn I’ve seen it at some point
I think there’s a series based on the movies, but not really on the books as far asni know.
TIL How to Train Your Dragon is originally a book. Thank you.
Yeah, Cressida Cowell. It’s very different though, be warned. There’s a guy called Hiccup who is a Viking and has a dragon… And that’s about it :-)
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs should have never been made into a movie.
The many adaptations of the Iliad, none of them is gay enough.
somewhere in the distance, the Blue Oyster Salad Bar music starts playing
Hunger games.
Those movies are good.
I still enjoyed the movies but I felt they did not do the story justice. I hated how everything looked and I also hated how little time was spent on the characters relationships inside the hunger games.
I should really read those, as I really enjoyed those movies (the earliest ones more than the later ones, admittedly). What’s so different about the movies?
I enjoyed the films more than the books. The books after the first feel like the author had a good idea, but didn’t know what to do with it. The films tidy it up nicely
Each to their own I guess :-)
The later books really take it to a new level IMO, much more weight to them and more character development.
Not a classics, but:
- American Gods: they made unnecessary changes and introduced unnecessary filler plotlines until it felt like a drag to watch. The book already explored social issues, but the showrunners decided to dial it up to 100 and spoonfeed it to the audience at the expense of the actual plot.
- Ready Player One: they dumbed down the whole thing about hunting keys and portals, removed tons of important worldbuilding details, made pointless changes that ruined the spirit of the books. They should have made it into a series instead of a movie.
Both of these.
American Gods really pissed me off though if they had stuck to the books it could have been an amazing series with great characters and weird but fun storylines in a unique setting. But they added too much stuff and there was a total mess with the show runners leaving so it all sort of fell apart before one of the best plot lines of the whole story.
I kinda want to rewatch it again someday though…
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Ready Player One: they dumbed down the whole thing about hunting keys and portals, removed tons of important worldbuilding details, made pointless changes that ruined the spirit of the books. They should have made it into a series instead of a movie.
I went into the theater expecting it to be not so great, and it still managed to disappoint me.
Ready Player One was a good adaptation of a mediocre book into a mediocre movie.
Disagree. The movie is a mediocre adaptation of a fun and mediocre book into an un-fun and mediocre movie. The film was never going to be gold, but they spent an awful lot of CGI money to make a movie that wasn’t as fun as just reading the original and imagining all of the nerdy stuff being described.
I won’t argue with the book being mediocre (I myself enjoyed it but many others didn’t), but it wasn’t a faithful adaptation at all.
What made me mad at RP1 movie was they put the Easter Egg in Atari Adventure. Which is mentioned in chapter 0 of the book, and again in the fake town (not put in the movie) because it’s so obvious, nobody who cared about games at all would hide anything there.
And no Tomb of Horrors.
Instead Spielberg put a bunch of lame movie references in, because he’s too senile to understand the game references.
And the actors are far too pretty for the “but you’re beautiful inside” plot.
Instead Spielberg put a bunch of lame movie references in, because he’s too senile to understand the game references.
Have not seen the movie, but that sounds like Spielberg nailed the tone of the novel. The book reads like a thinly veiled essay by an aging Gen X geek about how pop culture peaked during the authors childhood and the world would be perfect if we could go back to the 80s.
Thanks for your completely useless post.
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HollywoodBeautyStandards
It doesn’t happen all the time, though
Not to mention the bastardization of the entire plot.
I liked the book because it felt like the villains had actual capabilities to accomplish their goals. The protagonists did everything right and it still wasnt enough to get the bad guys off their backs.
In the movie the protagonists make stupid decisions and the villain helper character which didn’t even exist in the book just overhears them talking about it.
Fucking. Stupid.
Said it better than I could.
Exactly.
And no Tomb of Horrors.
That’s because the novel was about nerd culture in general, while the movie was almost entirely about video games. All the D&D, Rush, Monty Python, etc. references were absent. The Shining was in there because Kubrick was Spielberg’s mentor.
But Art3mis in the real world has a port-wine stain so she’s ugly! Can’t you see how disgusting she looks?!
/s
If TV shows count: Earthsea.
It was such a poor adaptation that Ursula Le Guin wrote an article denouncing it.
The witcher is pretty bad.
Starship troopers. I say this not because the movie is bad (it’s not, I think it’s exactly what it meant to be and did it well), but that the movie and the book are thematically opposites. The book is very pro military authoritarian. The movie is a satire of that.
Heinlein also claimed the book its “swiftian in intent” its just done dry. And probably wouldnt have been adapted well to tv.
That being said in the book it was clear carmencita was way out of jhonys league and he was very aware of that. While other heinlenian heroes are generally horny.
Another difference from the heinlenian hero is that jhony is not very smart. He lacks agency and any positive agenda. He just stumbles around.
‘Johnny lacks agency.’ Well, he was a brand new high school grad who thought owning an Olympic size pool was normal. He joins up because his buddy was going in, and then is too proud to quit.
Exactly. He just goes with the flow. No soul of his own. Just another cog in a fascist machine.
This is even more notisable when you compare him with other heninlein protagonists who are also teenagers and join the army or simmilar institutions. They have their own agendas and goals.
Doesn’t that make it the BEST bastardization of the book then? :)
The Wheel of Time. I waited for reviews before watching it, so glad I never wasted a second of my life watching that piece of blasphemous garbage. Just stick to the source material, how fucking hard is it??? Apparently too hard for modern directors, they have to “fix” everything and make it appealing for a “modern audience.” Bitch, I am the modern audience, and fuck you.
To be fair, Wheel of Time may be one of those garbage in, garbage out scenarios.
And don’t get me started on black unbearded female dwarves who have no need for melanin underground… what the fuck.
Well actually, the dwarves were created by the smith god Aulë deep in darkness under the mountains of Middle-Earth, made to be strong and unyielding. I don’t think he cared much about their reaction to the sun, it stands to reason their skin would mirror the materials used by the god that created them - clay and stone. A darker skin tone makes more sense to me frankly.
Ooo nice take, I like this. I could totally get behind this if it was all dwarves being darker skinned, but unfortunately in the show it isn’t.
There’s no dwarves in the Wheel of Time.
And it’s not a problem for LotR either, lol.
Among other things, the setting isn’t just creationist, there are elves running around in the show that remember it.
They even ignored Brandon Sanderson who offered free advice on how to write the story FFS. Even the show runner had the gall to say he’s a fanboy of the series.
Hard disagree here. I’m a rabid wheel of time fan who has read the books at least 6 times.
Ir would be downright impossible to “stick to the source” for book one (or really, any if them) and have it be good on film. It just wouldn’t work on film, there is too much going on. The story would feel like it drags and is being forcefully stretched out, because the book is rather repetitive. That repetition works in a book because you are getting to read the characters inner thoughts, and in paper it adds tension that, for example, Rand and Mat are unsure whether the next place they stay will be full of dark friends.
But after the third time they get chased out by dark friends a TV audience would be like “OK they did this already get on with it.” Repetition on TV gets boring FAST.
And the magic system is all kinds of messy in the books. They’re diving into it a bit more now, but it’s still got Tobe simplified for screen. You can’t convey characters thoughts on screen, which basically neuters the whole system. The book is VERY exposition heavy, and that gets boring real quick on screen. Look at the LOTR theatrical VS extended editions. There is a reason that Bilbo talking about Hobbits at the beginning got cut. I like that scene, but it also is too much exposition to drop on the viewer right after the intro, which is also exposition. EOTW is like half exposition, and most of the books are at least a third exposition. That all has to get cut or reworked to be actually fun to watch without being super preachy. It’s
Listen to Brandon Sanderson talking about the adaptation of Mistborm he has been working in for ages now. He has said that he had to make big, fundamental changes to the characters and story to make it work on film. He said his first draft was closest to the book, and that it was quite bad.
The biggest fuckup season 1 of the show did was not including the prologue. Idk why they cut it, it’s such a good intro. Besides that, I thought they did alright. Season two has been much better so far, and has shown that they really do understand the core of this story and all of the characters in it.
“Stick to the source” doesn’t mean “show every line on film”. It means things like “don’t shoehorn in this random-ass Warder that isn’t in the books and nobody cares about” or “don’t make up a dead wife for Perrin that adds nothing to the plot”. And that’s not getting into things that they almost did, like “Yeah, it’s cool if Moiraine murders the ferryman in direct violation of the Three Oaths”.
Sorry, the show was trash. It had a rich and complex world to draw from, and fucked it up hard. Just awful writing.
I just realized that Wheel of Time ≠ Sword of Truth, or rather I read WoT and was thinking of SoT
Agreed, there is a ton of internalized exposition in the books which can’t be done on the screen without it getting awkward. I have also generally enjoyed the show so far, and I think the pacing is actually pretty good. There are definitely times in the books where we are getting “scale” via brute force word count, and the visual medium definitely opens some things up in that regard.
I’ve never read the books, although I’d really like to. I only know two things: Its fucking awesome and really, really long and convoluted. Someone told me that getting into it is hard, but there is nothing quite like it and its worth it. I watched the series while drinking beer and hanging out with my father. We both like fantasy, needed something to binge and I heard of the source material. We thought the series (only seen the first season) was pretty cool. Knowing the infamy of the books it was clear that they had to cut vast parts of the books, but for someone uninitiated it was a fun watch. At the same time I already thought it had to be unbearable for fans of the book for the same reason.
I liked it, as long as I looked it at as an interpretation rather than an exact translation.
I like this! Maybe the book is a telling of the story as it happens and the show is a retelling centuries later with the information available to them. They don’t have the inner monologue of the characters, they don’t know all the exact details (ok, so Perrin wasn’t married? Eh, his early life wasn’t super clear in the written histories).
Yeah it’s a popcorn show. You watch it to relax your brain. It’s entertaining as a Xena episode, and the production feels as cheap as Xena’s.
But if you’ve read the books you’re wondering what the hell is happening. And it doesn’t make you want to read them. That’s the lamest part. A show based on books should make you want to read them at some point. I mean, if you adapt them to screen, they must have been loved by a lot of people…
Just watch the Prime “x-ray” animated shorts. That’s the perfect preamble to the books reread.
Not a book and not a movie, but that Cabinet of Curiosities series adapted a couple of HP Lovecraft stories and it was fucking terrible. There were a couple of beats that were interesting, but generally it was very faithless and the changes were for the worse. There were some excellent episodes otherwise, but I can’t help but feel that they are just butcherings of much better stories that I haven’t read.
Politically, it’s way less bad than you’d expect, I’d recommend watching it. One of the best episodes had – to someone as brainrotted as me – an incredible hybridization of classic horror and battle anime logic. That one was probably my favorite one, though there was one where the protagonist looks just like the Disco Elysium guy and kind of acts like him too, and it was fun.
P.S. did you know that there are movie adaptations of Ayn Rand’s drivel? If you are masochistic, they might be fun to watch
There’s a old version of ‘The Fountainhead’ with Gary Cooper. It’s a good adaptation of the ideas, and is 8/10 as a movie. Cooper was a great choice for a Rand hero.
I never saw the more recent adaptation of ‘Atlas Shrugged.’ Apparently they ran out of money by the time the second part came out and it looks terrible.
