“I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN”

“Oh thank gods, I thought you’d never take a hint. You are objectively an awful person and no amount of spending on your part was ever going to make dealing with you worthwhile. Yes, PLEASE leave and never show your face here again.”

“Sir/mam, this is a Walmart. Your loss of business is literally a rounding error in pur profits.”

“…Also all the other local stores were run out of business so there’s no where else to shop.”

See, what you gotta do is threaten them with absurdity.

Don’t say “I’m never coming back”. Instead, walk across the street to the bus stop. Wait for them to come out to their car. Memorize it.

Now come back to the parking lot every day for a week. Wait for them to leave their car, and go inside. Once they’re inside, you walk over to their car, and write down their liscense plate number.

Now go home, and use public records to do a search to find their name and address.

Now go back to the store, and take a picture of them with your cell phone.

Now, sit across the street from a police department, and watch for a cop arriving to work. Take note of his liscense plate, and search his name/address.

Now write a letter to the clerk, threatening to wait outside his work with a giraffe. Tell him “Giraffes have 15 inch tongues, thick as a beer can. I’ve trained this one to stick their tongues into your butthole, and grab your waist with their teeth. You’ll be 19 feet in the air, getting tongue fucked by a giraffe. If you try to escape, you fall. See ya at Costco, Gary!”

And you use the cops name/address as the return address. Now if he tries to go to the cops, they’ll protect their own, and find something to arrest him with.

Checkmate, Gary!

Companies I boycott:

Bank of America
5/3 Bank
Wells Fargo
McDonald’s
Walmart
That corner gas station that never paid their invoice Planet Fitness
John Deere
Verizon
AT&T

Number of store employees I’ve told that I’m never coming back:

0

As someone who worked retail for a long time, I relished these moments… Their righteous indignation would snap me out of my ennui, and I’d love watching their face when I’d respond, “OK, bye”, or give them no reaction whatsoever.

You have to appreciate those moments in retail because the rest of the time is pretty awful.

I honestly do wonder where the average person thinks the customer service workers have some kind of stake in the company or something. Getting fired from a job like that is only a minor inconvenience, and the odds of their complaint being anywhere near a firable offense is usually laughable (and half the time the opposite as usually it’s wanting the employee to break store policy).

I don’t want to seem like a prick, but all the Internet comics I see are so lazy and devoid of any humour… there’s no joke in them at all, and just seems like someone who wants to post a bland message to get their “comic strip” seen. Is this Calvin and hobbes quality? No. Is there anything groundbreaking and funny? Nope. I just want lemmy to actually have some good stuff on it

Working retail for the first time at 54-yo, had almost no dumbass customers like this. Did have one call that said they’d go to Home Depot because we don’t have a grass expert on staff. Well shit, I’m sure Home Depot’s garden department is way sharper than my 35-years of growing plants. LOL, none of my coworkers know what a lilly looks like, should have got one of them on the phone.

One old guy threatened a coworker, I think he hit him? This guy was ancient, I’m putting it down to dementia or the like. You’d have to be demented to think your 80-ass is going to take a fit 20-yo man.

I did get some mistreatment working McDonald’s at 16, but much of that was my dumb ass not knowing any better. And my dumb ass ex-Marine manager. Jesus, trying to boss kids around like we’re in the military, for $3.34/hr.

Know what makes me jealous? I work in a nice Lowe’s in a nicer town (for the area). Might get a tip every other day, always grateful and surprised. Over at the more ghetto store, some of those dudes clock $100+ a shift. Goes to show, the more monied conservatives over here are cocksuckers compared to the poorer Democrats next door. And it’s always the people I did very little for. Motherfucker wants 1,500 pounds of rock hand-loaded? Nah.

Y’all love this one! Dude pulls up in a Tesla. “Hey! What are you picking up?” He silently hands “the help” his receipt. ONE bag of mulch. No one before or since has been pussy enough to ask for help with a single bag. (And no one has ever bought a single bag.)

An interaction I had when I was in my final days of my fast food “career”:

Karen: “The service here is terrible I’m NEVER eating here again if you don’t fix this RIGHT NOW”

Me (actually said to them): “Oh no, please don’t, the giant multinational corporation with billions in revenue that is [Big burger fast food joint] will notice and cry”

Karen: “I…yea…well!” Storms off